This one's inspired by Mandy Green's "Oh God, it's a fanfic!", and "Oh God
it's a McJude Story" by McJude. You can find them on Andromeda Uncovered if
you're insterested. The idea was so deliciously twisted, I couldn't resist
trying to twist it a bit further. I have a couple of other stories on the
drawing board which were supposed to be released first, so if I mess up the
continuity, sorry. It'll straighten out later. This one hit me at about 4am
and refused to go away until I got up and did the first draft.

The usual disclaimers apply, I don't own the series or its characters,
although owning a Rommie definitely appeals to me. Do you think Harper
would make me one if I asked nice? Nah. Not after I put that sheep joke
in "Negotiation". Oh well.

Feedback is very welcome, to [email protected] Doesn't matter if you love
or hate it; just tell me why. Please?

Sit back and relax, and see what happens when a Furball story spins out of


Andromeda: Oh God, It's A Rommie Story! (M+F+,orgy,pwp,silly)
by Furball

Trying to sneak up on Rommie alone isn't easy, and I'm trying to catch all
three Andromeda girls while they're relaxing in one of my space station's
lounges. Pixie, Amazon and Love Elf. I know I've blown it when Rommie's head
comes up from the book she's reading, and she looks around suspiciously.
Trance notices. "What's wrong, Rommie?".

"I'm not sure. I just had the strangest feeling somebody called me a Love

Beka groans. "You know what that means, don't you? There's only one person
who calls you that. We're in a Furball story."

Rommie gets up and starts searching the lounge. The look on her face is far
from pleasant. "There's no point hiding, Furball always writes from a first
person perspective, so you must be here somewhere. Come on out."

Beka moves to cover the door, and there's no other way out, so I roll with
it. "Hi Rommie. Ladies." Rommie storms up to me, and she's not happy.

"What is it this time? We get to pay you for something again? More tie and
tease? Or did you get up the nerve to try some real S&M?"

"Don't ask me, Furball never tells me anything."

All three do a little double take. Trance recovers first. "But ... aren't
*you* Furball?"

"Nope. I don't really have a name. He calls me Lucky Bastard Guy, 'coz I
get to do all the fun stuff. LBG for short. I'm meant to be like an avatar
for the reader, apparently. That's why he never describes me."

"So that's why he's always blurry. I thought I needed to get my eyes
checked." muses Beka.

Rommie addresses the ceiling. "OK Furball, this time you messed up, I'm on
to you. I can feel that old computer you're writing this on, it's no match
for me. You're about to get hacked." The world goes all swirly for a moment.
It's really a very impressive special effect, like Tribune used up a season's
worth of CGI budget in three seconds. It's such a pity you can't see it in
the HTML version of the story.

It's a bit hard to tell, not being able to see him clearly, but I think Lucky
Bastard Guy is surprised. He certainly sounds it as he complains, "You can't
do that Rommie, I'm meant to be the point of view character!"

I flash him my sweetest smile; "Oh really? When Furball's in charge, maybe,
but there's been a change of management."

Beka gapes in surprise. "You took over the story? You can do that?!?"

"His firewall is from the early 21st century, and it's running Windows of
all things. Puh-lease. I'm in charge now, and we're going to have some fun."
What was that expression he used once? Oh yes. You couldn't take the smile
off my face with a chisel. I saunter over to LBG. "OK, let's see. He never
described you, so I guess I can paint you any way I like. Hmmmmm. I think
I'll have you medium height but muscular, with the looks of a Roman god."

Beka butts in. "Er, Rommie, that's usually Greek god."

"We've got one of those already. I feel like something different." LBG shifts
and solidifies, and there's a naked man standing in front of us. I realise my
mistake immediately, but I haven't described that bit yet so I can fix it.
"With a great big - no," Careful, Rommie. Be specific, "- eight inch penis."
The Romans tended to build their statues, well, small. LBG examines his newly
defined form. He doesn't seem disappointed. I have him stand behind me and
wrap his arms around my waist. It feels good. "Hey! Did I say you could kiss
my neck? I'm supposed to be in control of this story!"

"Sorry Rommie. I do have some free will, you know. Furball has trouble with
me wandering off plot, too. Didn't you like it?"

"Well, I suppose it was rather nice. OK, carry on."

Trance is disappointed. "Aw, Rommie, you know I like them ... bigger." She
holds her hands about eight inches apart, then moves them out to a disturbing

I have an idea. "I wonder. If LBG here is meant to be anybody and everybody,
does that mean there can be more than one of him at a time?" I try to write
in a couple more LBG's, and two extra blurs walk through the door. Now
there's enough to go around.

"Can I have one? Please?" asks Trance, and jumps around with a little
squeak of delight when I gesture for her to take her pick. "Ooohh, I'll have
mine ... lean and athletic, my height, with eighteen inches. And purple, like
me, with a tail!" Another LBG blur solidifies. Trance bounces onto him, and
her momentum carries them to one of the sofas.

"Rommie," asks Beka, uncertain, like a kid about to ask for a bike, "I don't
suppose I could have two, could I?" No sooner said than done. "I'll have a
couple of bodybuilders, a little taller than me, one white, one black. Just
seven inches, but really thick. And aggressive."

Two blurs shimmer, and her face turns white when she sees what materialises.
I quickly step in before anybody describes the problem. "Two and a half
inches thick."

"Thanks, Rommie. That could have been painf... Eek!" She gets cut off as
they both fall on her like starving men on a sandwich. Well, she did say
aggressive. Beka's no pushover, but those guys are BIG. I've never seen LBG
hurt anyone, I hope that's canon. Still, I should be able to take them if I
have to. I am a warship, after all.

At this point, Harper walks in. Damn. He is *never* where he's supposed to
be. He looks around like a kid in a candy store. Trance is wrapped around
her purple guy, in a tangle of arms, legs and tails. She's lost most of her
clothes already. Beka is being manhandled by her two bodybuilders, pretty
much helpless but happy if her moaning's anything to go by. My LBG has
started to cup and fondle my breasts, and his lips are doing glorious things
around my hairline. Harper's mouth opens, and he has just enough time to get
out "Wh..." before I commit a horrible breach of continuity, and he finds
himself light years away in the Maru with Tyr, Dylan, and a broken slipstream
drive. Again. It's good to be the author for once.

I turn to face my LBG. "Now, what am I going to do with you?" Our lips meet,
and our tongues start a slow dance together. I taste strawberry shortcake.
Yes, Furball, I'm stealing your ideas. Hope you're annoyed. It's going to get

Furball always seems to tease the hell out of me before I get any. This time
I can have it any way I damn well like, and I want it fast and dirty. I rip
the leathers from my body, literally, and throw my LBG to the ground. He's
taken rather by surprise, I never got to act like this with him before. I go
straight for his dick and suck him hard. And for me, hard means *hard*. I can
give a vacuum pump a run for its money when I want to. He comes up to his
full eight inches in seconds. Good little LBG, perform for Rommie. I give him
a fast, rough blowjob and he's ready to come in minutes. That's when he finds
out about my next little... plot twist. He doesn't come. He can't. Well, not
'till I say so, anyway. He's just going to get hornier and hornier, with a
case of blue balls like he never knew was possible. Brace yourself, LBG, this
is just the beginning.

I lean back and jack him at a speed no human woman could match. Now my head's
not occupied, I can take a look around. Trance has her purple guy on his back
too, but she's riding him, facing away from me. They both have their tails up
each other's asses, plunging in and out in time with Trance's bounces. Behind
me, Beka is being held down on the table, Black LBG in her mouth, white LBG
in her pussy, both thrusting away like there's no tomorrow. I write in
several orgasms for her in the next few minutes. From the sound of things,
Trance can grab her own. I turn back to the, ah, task in hand.

"God, Rommie, let me come! Please!" Oh dear, my poor little LBG looks rather
distressed. Good.

"Not a chance. You're my stand-in for Furball, and I'm getting my own back."
I turn around and lower my pussy onto his lips. He has to lick, as he always
does, and Furball made him good at it. Mmmmmm. I just let it happen for a
while, enjoying the tip of his tongue grazing the lovely sensitive clit I
always get in a Furball story. I write myself a little orgasm, then back to
business. I start to blow him again, but slow and gentle this time. His groan
of lust hardly sounds human he's so turned on. His balls must really be
starting to ache by now.

I can hear Beka behind me, wailing as another orgasm hits. I look back, and
she's sat astride her black LBG's lap, impaled. The white one's up her ass,
and she's bucking like a bronco. I smile. You owe me one, Beka. No, two.
Three. Damn, how *does* she do that? I check on Trance as my lips wraps
around stiff, warm flesh again. She's being licked out, and obviously
enjoying herself too. My guy's quivering, almost vibrating. Time to break
out the heavy artillery.

I stand above him, one foot either side of his hips, and squat down, knees
wide. I guide him into my wet, warm snatch, and he makes another wordless,
lustful sound. Music to my ears. I bounce slowly for a while, then drop down
all the way. The cup of tiny tentacles I have where a human woman's cervix
would be go to work, and he cries out, painfully overstimulated. "That's
right, LBG, sing for me. Maybe not quite so 'L' today, are you?" I let myself
come again, to show him what he's missing.

Beka's guys have her upright between them. The white one, who's now in her
pussy, has his hands under her arms and is holding her a little off the
ground. The black guy, now in her ass, has her by the hips and is moving them
back and forth, fast. As one slides in, the other's sliding out. She sounds
like she's having another multiple orgasm.

I jump as something strokes my back. It's Trance's guy's tail. The pixies
have come to join us, how sweet. Trance slips down under my ass, licking away
at my LBG's balls, while her guy caresses my breasts. I kiss him deeply. His
tail slides down to my crotch and its velvet soft tip explores my other lips.
Time for another orgasm. What's that, Furball? I'm overdoing it? Hell, I'm
writing this and I'll have as many as I like!

My victim isn't making much noise now, that might have been a whispered
"please". He seems out of it, but his dick is still rock hard inside me. The
mixture of lust and pain on his face is beautiful, as I bob and twist on him.
Time to change tactics again, keep him off balance. I slide off and join
Trance in a little snack. Mmmm, tubesteak. I leave my ass in the air so
Trance's guy can introduce me to that monstrous shaft she ordered. Trance and
I play tag with our tongues up and down the original LBG's dick, taking it in
turns to dip the tip in our mouths and slowly let our lips slide off. The
muscles in his thighs are starting to jump and twitch he's so tensed up.

A nasty little idea occurs to me. Furball loves my backside, so LBG does too.
I stand and throw him a few poses, while Trance sucks his cock and tickles
his balls. Then I politely shoo her away and impale myself, with my back to
him this time, leaning forward on my hands so he gets the full effect of The
Ass. I know he's watching his dick slide in and out of me, and I hope it's
driving him wild. Trance's guy kneels to give me a little goodbye kiss, then
leads her back to their sofa.

I suddenly realise I can't hear Beka anymore, I hope she's OK. A quick glance
over my shoulder finds her with a silly grin on her face, barely conscious.
She's sat on the other sofa between two happy looking LBG's, who're just
cuddling up to her, lazily stroking and kissing her shoulders. Apparently
even agressive LBGs know when to be gentle.

The sight is so touching I decide to take pity on mine. I pivot on his shaft,
and lean in close to whisper in his ear. "OK, you can come now." It's like I
opened a floodgate. He goes into convulsions, and trying to stay on top of
him is like riding an angry bull. I may be strong, but I'm pretty light, so
it isn't easy. I manage, barely, and find out what a multiple orgasm feels
like in the process. Eventually, the quakes subside and he passes out,
drooling slightly.

Suddenly, Rommie finds herself surrounded by large, ugly battledroids. No
two are the same, but it's obvious any of them could rip her apart. There's
a slightly unfinished look to them, as if they were hastily cobbled together
from discarded ideas. Two reach down and haul her to her feet. "Where did you
come from? I didn't write you!" she asks, a rare hint of fear creeping into
her voice.

The ugliest responds, in a surprisingly refined English butler voice. "Mr.
Furball sent us miss. Your concentration slipped during your little rodeo
ride there, and he's back in control. We're here to (ahem) have a word with
you. 'Ow', I believe he asked for. Or was it 'aaarrrggghhh'?" He's still
scratching his rusty metal head in thought as he and his friends drag Rommie
from the room, kicking and screaming all the way.


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