Disclaimer: All these characters belong to the creators and producers of
Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel/New Line Cinema and not me, this work has no
profit motive and is purely for fun/education.

Rating: Is there anything higher than NC17? Gang rape, sadism, bondage,
lesbianism between mother/daughters/sisters (NOT incest, no such thing
between women), incest, underage sex, character death, bloodplay, slavery,
bondage, oral, anal, suicide, M/F domination, F/F domination and god knows
what else! PLEASE BE WARNED, this is strong stuff, I plumbed the darker
reaches of my soul/imagination but not just smut for smut's sake (although
there's nothing wrong with that!). It also contains off-colour humour and
some words I've never actually spoken out loud (and I was sailor). If they
upset you don't worry, just keep reading, I promise a happy ending to almost
everything (I can't really write anything else).

Pairing: Easier to list whom this doesn't involve! Buffy/Joyce/Dawn,
Hank/Buffy/Dawn, Angelus/Buffy, Drusilla/Buffy, vampWillow/vampTara/Buffy,
Andrew/Buffy/Dawn/Anya/Willow, Glory/Faith the list is pretty much
endless... Everyone is over the age of consent wherever you are unless
specifically stated otherwise.

Spoilers/Timeline: Irrelevant, anytime and everywhere.

Summary: An exploration/parody of fanfiction detailing every conceivable
pairing and sexual act you can imagine. Please read to the end, it's the most
important bit. I wanted to do satires/parodies on every existing style of
fanfic, you'll hopefully recognise some of them. Of course I had NO idea what
I was getting into, Buffy fanfic is a like the expanding universe, infinite
and neverending. If you want to know the originals that inspired this and
where to find them give me an e-mail and I'll send you the list.

Distribution: Take what you like.

Feedback: why I wrote this, [email protected]

To clarify this * means the start of a new story whilst --- means a pause in
he existing story.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer:
Why Do We Write This? Part 5 - Buffy the Mayor's Plaything
by GoolCaptain

"Leave town and give me Faith back" Buffy demanded.

The Mayor looked at her from over his desk.

"No way, young lady. How dare you speak to me in that tone, I've half a mind
to put you over my knee."

She was stunned. "Wha..? Put me over y-your knee? I...I"

The Mayor looked at her. Was that a faint spark of desire he saw in her eyes?
He decided to press his luck. "Would you like me to do that?"

Buffy looked down bashfully. She stammered "Well, no I...I don't..."

The Mayor pulled his seat back and patted his lap. "Come here."

She was speechless.

"COME HERE!" he ordered.

She had no idea why she obeyed him but she found himself walking around to
his side of the desk and tentatively laying herself across his lap. She could
already feel his erection straining through his trousers and was subtly aware
that her nipples were achingly swollen, her cunny already damp.

The cool air flowed over her hips as he pulled her trousers down making her
shiver. She gasped with pleasure as he pulled her skimpy pink panties tight
between her ass cheeks, the motion causing the soft material to rub back and
forth across her stiff little clitty, the friction against her asshole
causing her to squirm and writhe deliciously.

The coolness was replaced by a pulsing, fiery heat as the Mayor began to
beat a steady rhythmn with the flat of his hand on her skin, the sweet pain
coursing through her body. She felt an enormous emotional release as she
began weeping, the sound of the slaps joined by her begging and pleading for
mercy, flinging herself up and down, bucking and thrashing.

In the back of her mind she knew she could stop it at any time. She could
just get up and walk away. But she knew she did not want to. She felt her
orgasm approaching, thrusting her backside out to meet his oncoming blows,
screaming for him to continue, craving more and greater punishment. She came
like thunder, her cries echoing around the room as the pleasure overwhelmed

She sighed and whimpered as he gently rubbed her scarlet buttocks. "You know
how to thank me don't you?"

She twisted around and looked up at him. She fell to her knees and pulled
down his trousers and underwear, releasing his springing errection. She
showered it with kisses then took it into her mouth, licking and sucking
with instinctive skill and enjoyment, eagerly swallowing his seed down.

He pulled her up onto his lap and ripped her blouse open, tearing her bra
off. She moaned with pleasure as he suckled on her breasts, licking, sucking,
kissing, gently biting.

When he was hard again he repositoned her until she was face down over his
desk, fucking her from behind, enjoying the tightness of her cunny that only
Angel has ever sampled once before. Buffy lay there limply, allowing him to
do whatever he liked to her, gasping in ecstasy, his hands on her hips as she
played with her own breasts.

His phone rang. He picked it up and answered calmly but did not slow the
fucking for a single moment. "Ah yes Harold. Golf on Tuesday, excellent"

"Is this guy for real?" Buffy wondered for a moment before an momentous
orgasm blotted all other thoughts from her head. He hit the mute button as
they came but afterwards continued the conversation as if nothing had

She lay there for she knew not how long as he spoke on the phone. The
casualness with which he treated her made her feel like an utter slut, a
passing tramp with whom he could simply idly pass a little time with. She
found she rather liked the feeling. Besides if she really was a naughty
girl she'd already been spanked...

She became aware that he was stroking her cunny lips with his fingers,
obviously well practiced over a hundred years. She felt a fresh wave of
wetness and couldn't help but to flex her legs apart.

Buffy squealed as she felt his finger force it's way into her asshole, well
lubed with her cunny juices.

"My, my," he observed, "I see this is virgin territory."

"Yeeessss Maaaassster" she groaned through gritted teeth as he forced his
fingers deeper and deeper inside her "It's totally tight and unused, I saved
it just for you."

Then he was inside her, the intensity of their fucking more than she had ever
known before. He balled his hand in her cunt and fisted her mercilessly as he
thoroughly fucked her ass, Buffy loving every minute of it. With expert
timing they came together in a screaming torrent of pleasure.

"Hold still" he instructed.

She thought that he might want to spank her again but intstead she felt
something hard and damp press into her smarting hip. The Mayor gave her a
playful last slap on the buttocks and beckoned her to stand up. Looking in
the mirror she saw the words 'Property of the Mayor of Sunnydale' now printed
on her thigh in indelible ink. The Mayor replaced his official stamp of
office onto the table and wrote out a short note on a slip of paper.

He handed it to Buffy. "This is for the tattoo parlour on Main Street. You
can get it redone permanently there. Just tell them I sent you."

"Guess my ass really does belong to him now!" Buffy thought.

The Mayor handed her another card. On it was the image of a lingerie clad
nymphet, the name of the store "Frilly filly's lingerie and sex toys"
embossed over it. "Buy whatever you like" he told her "Just have them place
it on my account."

She loved the idea. She could put on a lingerie fashion parade for him and a
lot more besides. But she felt they needed to set some ground rules "You know
if this is going to work you're going to have to give up being evil. And give
me Faith back."

The Mayor looked uncomfortable. "We'll work something out."

Buffy smiled and looked at him pityingly. She could twist her real father
and Giles around her little finger with just a pout. With all the things she
could do to the Mayor he would soon be putty in her hands and a useful ally
in the fight against evil. The poor sap had no idea! She knew now she wasn't

He was.

She remembered with a grin how Faith had tried to steal Angel away from her.
Well, now she had her hooks into Faith's guy!

Deep down she loved Faith and knew they'd have to make up eventually. But in
the meantime she enjoyed her little act of revenge.

He summoned a limo for her as she dressed. "Is the driver a vamp?"

He nodded, suddenly aware that she was twirling Mr Pointy in a very
suggestive manner. Buffy winked at him. "You'd better send someone else to
pick it up in the morning, then."

"And get it hoovered" the Mayor thought, shuddering at the thought of all
that dust.

"Thank you Sugardaddy" she told him, giving him a little peck on the cheek
before leaving.


He was still alive.

Spike was amazed. He thought he'd twisted his head nearly clean off but he
was still alive, lying there watching them, obviously paralysed.

"What a sight!" Spike thought. Him, lying there in the blood from his
slaughtered family, slowly seeping from the bodies splayed around him. His
gaze fixed on Spike lying naked on top of his precious young daughter,
violating her and draining her blood with deliberate, artful, slowness.
You never took too much blood or they couldn't cry, with a 14-year-old it
was hard to judge but practice had made Spike an expert.

He considered the situation for a moment. The last thing the man would see
was his child raped and devoured before his very eyes, the last thing he
would ever hear her frantic sobbing. The last thing he would ever smell
would be her blood mixed with the coal dust from the coal bin, her vain,
desperate, hiding place where he had found her. He was alive, dying but
alive, unable to move, to do a damn thing about it.

"Angelus me old mate" he remarked "I've outdone you this time". His voice
rang with pride. He entered her again, easily brushing aside her frantic
struggling, vamping out whilst doing so and taking a good bite of her neck,
generating another petrified scream.

He looked over at the father with a big grin on his face. And gave him a
huge, knowing wink.


"Watcha doin?" Dawn plopped down beside her on the couch doing a passable
impersonation of Phoebe Bouffett and munching on an anchovy covered piece of
pizza. Buffy looked at her supposedly dead sister in shock, D'Hoffryn's words
echoing in her mind.

"Over those born of woman I have no domain."

But not big green balls of energy made flesh it seemed.

"Bastard!" she swore enveloping Dawn in her arms. She was warm, alive, didn't
remember anything. Just perfect.

"What?... Get off me you freak!" Dawn exclaimed struggling against Buffy's
crushing hug.

Her ribs ached for days afterwards.


They spilt up, Buffy and Dawn taking Faith to Joyce's grave, Willow going to
Tara's before joining Xander at Jesse's. Giles put his hand on Jenny's

"Thank you" he intoned silently. "Thank you for letting us know her, thank
you for letting us have her for a while. She brightened our lives, They all


Buffy karate kicked the vamp towards Giles. With a flourish he staked it with
the wooden end of his umbrella then adjusted his bowler hat.

"Quite exquisitely done Miss Summers" he handed her a glass of champagne.

She put it down and instead dumped a load of talcum powder down the front of
her leather catsuit.

"How do groupies stahesehese things?"


"I killed you!" vampJoyce glared at Buffy who stepped within her fighting
arc. She was so surprised she dropped Harmony to the floor, the sudden thump
bringing her back to consciousness.

"And you gave me life. Now I return the favour" Buffy's voice was even,

VampJoyce stared at her for a moment, wondering for a second if someone had
sired her daughter. But no, Buffy was alive once more, human, she was so
close she could actually smell it. She vaguely wondered how but what was most
important was to cure her of that condition. Perhaps this time she should
turn her?

"Buffy" she shed her demon face and restored her human one, holding out her
arms to her child.

"Buffy?" Harmony gasped, clutching her neck wound.

She looked at Joyce's face. It was her first memory. The first thing she had
ever loved. She would always love it.

"I love you mom" Buffy stated calmly entering into Joyce's treacherous
embrace. Buffy felt the cold familar hands, the hands that had cradled her
as a baby, had brushed her hair and wrapped her Christmas presents.

The vampire was tensing her muscles to strike when she felt the dull impact
of Buffy's stake in her heart. She went limp before she could even think to
move, the world dissolving around her as she reeled backwards, Buffy catching
her in her arms.

The last thing Joyce felt was the warmth of her daughter's lips on hers,
her last sight a pair of tear filled eyes that had beheld her as the most
beautiful thing in the world since birth. The last sound she heard an
earnest, soft, "Goodbye" from the mouth she had suckled to her bosom as an

Then all was peace and light.


"Let's get this straight, we make Buffy our sex slave and you LET HER GO!?"
Warren thundered.

"I didn't let her go. I gave her a lift back to her house" Jonathon checked
his watch. "She'll be back to normal by now."


"She was boring. If you want a girl you want a proper relationship, to have
her love you not be your slave. I felt sorry for her."

"So the Slayer is no longer our sex slave because you wanted TO TALK?!"

"HOMO!" Andrew accused him.


Willow screamed as the clawed hand reached from the depths and grabbed her
blouse. Buffy whirled around, directing the outboard motor into the last
mutant's face, cutting up flesh and bone into a bloody obscene mishmash,
it's roaring lost as it fell back into the sea and sank slowly from sight.

There was a moment of silence.

Xander looked at the mangled engine with masculine assurance. "Well, that's
totaled" he exclaimed resignedly. "Cordelia's dad is gonna have my hide for

Willow fished around in the boat's locker producing a blanket, which she
wrapped around Buffy's naked, shivering form. She also found a first aid kit
which she used to start tending her multitude of wounds, Buffy wincing as she
cleaned and dressed the chafed and torn areas around her vagina and anus,
rubbed raw from her continuous repeated gang rape at the hands of the
swimteam. Xander couldn't bear to look, busying himself trying to use the
boat's radio but it was smashed beyond repair. He returned to the girls to
find Will simply hugging the blanket wrapped Buff who stared melancholically
into space. Willow handed him a paddle.

"It was in the locker" she explained simply.

"Alright! Now all we have to do is row into the channel and the current will
take us in" he looked at the pair, quickly realising who were the passengers
and who was the galley slave.

"Thank god for the y chromosome" he declared rolling his eyes and starting
to stroke slowly, each rhythmic movement of the oar bringing Sunnydale docks
inexorably closer.

The water lapped around the hull. Overhead the seagulls wheeled, crying wanly
in the warm morning air. Willow began to sing softly, a long forgotten song
from childhood.

"Xander row the boat ashore, hallelujah! Xander row the boat ashore,

Buffy actually smiled. She joined in. "Willow help to trim the sail,

"Wish we did have a goddamed sail," exclaimed Xander, his arms straining
painfully with the effort.


"Mommy" she murmured the word in her sleep, her tone low, barely audible.

"This is so wrong," thought Joyce. "So, so wrong. Against everything I've
ever been taught and believed."

She couldn't deny the allure of the naked nubile female shape lying beside
her own nude body. She couldn't resist running her hands gently up and down
her beautiful curves, feeling the warmth, the marvelous soft texture of the
peach like skin. Skin that was marred only by the occasional scar that even
Slayer healing powers couldn't remove. Her touch provoked shivering from the
lithe form sleeping draped across her chest, aroused even as she slept by
the intimate light probing of the fingers. Fingers that knew her body better
than any other human on the planet.

She knew her so well. Her taste. Her scent. How she liked her fries. Which
shade of lipstick. What she looked like in the morning. How she liked to be
fucked, how she liked her nipples sucked. She could judge her mood so well,
if she wanted to be treaty harshly or gently, punished or cuddled. They were
so alike in their sexual tastes but then that was hardly suprising or they
wouldn't have been there, their relationship was based on that unshakable,
unique bond, slayer and slayer's mother.

"This is so wrong, I shouldn't be doing this, I shouldn't be doing this to
her. This isn't how things are supposed to be between us. This is sick,
twisted. This belongs on the Jerry Springer Show. My god, if anyone knew,
what would they think?"

Joyce lay there, wracked by the same thoughts that had tortured her from the
very first night. The night she had woken to find this all too familiar body
crawling into her bed, reminding her so much of the days when Buffy and Dawn
were little children and liked to cuddle up to mommy on Sunday mornings. But
Buffy and Dawn weren't little children anymore and it wasn't just cuddles
nowadays. In all her years of marriage she had never tested the limits of
sexual experimentation to the degree they had in the last few months, never
tried so many different, forbidden pleasures that she could scarcely have
dreamed of before.

Fddendden. That was it. It was forbidden. And with good reasons.

"I have to end it, end it before anyone finds out, end it before I hurt her
anymore than I already have. She calls me mommy yet what sort of mother would
do the things I've done? Even if she begged her to? Even if it brought her
indescribable joy in a life filled with so much pain and heartbreak?"

She shifted slightly, nestling closer into Joyce's' chest. She looked like
an angel when she was asleep Joyce noted smiling broadly. Her own little
baby angel. Strange as she was such a handful when she was awake.

She would end it soon she decided. It would be difficult but it would have
to be done. In the meantime she would enjoy the finest, most loving, intimate
sexual relationship she'd ever known. And ponder how to end it without
breaking her sweet little girl's heart.

Her watch alarm broke their reverie. She shrugged off her extremely reluctant
slumberer and began to dress.

"Gotta go pick up Dawn from Girl Scouts"

"Ok mom"

"You'd better be dressed before she's here"

"I'll be long gone. Patrol tonight, we're meeting Giles at the library then
the stormin' Slayer girls are going out to raise some hell! Or keep it down?
One of the two anyway."

"Good" thought Joyce "Two Slayers together so much safer than one." She never
worried about Buffy as much when she would take Faith with her. Besides, it
was good for her to have some company of a girl her own age rather than
stalking around all those graveyards by herself.

She was watching her dress and enjoying it. Joyce couldn't resist a coy,
minxish smile as she blushed, appreciating the compliment of such devoted
admiration. She leaned over and they shared a searching passionate kiss.
She was almost tempted to go back to bed but the streets of Sunnydale was
no place for a little girl this near sunset. She turned in the bedroom
doorway, buttoning up her blouse.

"Oh and honey?"

"Yes, mommy?"

"You've got to be more careful what you say. You almost let slip our little
game to Rupert yesterday" her tone was stern but still caring. "Remember what
we don't say unless we're in bed? Stops people getting all suspicious and

"Yes momm... I mean, yes Joyce" replied Faith.


Giles polished his glasses "But still Buffy, the Master not only drained you
dry but drowned you too. How could even a Slayer come back from that through
simple CPR?"

Buffy shrugged. "I did some reading. Even normal people have survived losing
70% of their blood and there was no way he could take that much, even if
he'd had the time before trying to start his apocalypse. Angel stopped the
bleeding and Xander repositioned my body so any remaining blood flowed to my
heart and brain, my extremeties could do without for a little while. Then
they just kickstarted the old lungs and heart. And people have come back
after drowning for 40 minutes."

"But it was more than that?"

She nodded. "When I killed him, when I prevented the end of the world, saved
humanity, I told him it was because of my keen fashion sense. He didn't
understand but what I meant was I have lots to live for, my friends, my
family, slaying isn't my life, I walk in the light as much as the darkness.
That's what let me come back rather than embrace death."

"You were willing to die but you wanted to live?"

She nodded "Sets me apart from all the other Slayers that have gone before.
Whatever he did to me I was always coming back. His downfall was his
arrogance. He thought I was just a girl."

"And you were more than that?"

"No, I was a girl. But there's no thing as JUST a girl. That's like saying a
mighty ocean is JUST water. It's true but it's more than that. We're the
gentler sex, not the weaker. He could have snapped my neck or cut my throat
but he had to go for ravishing me, had to assert his dominance. And in a way
I loved it, I loved being his victim. But it couldn't end there, I was his
plaything and I adored it but I was more than that, I have loves greater
than my lusts. I had to die, it was written that I should but I came back
stronger, strong enough to defeat him and save us all. Because I realised
how much I wanted to live."

"How exactly? You should have been weak as kitten?"

She smiled mischievously "God knows? Besides I was too pretty to die. He

Giles smiled "Maybe the Slayer handbook should have a section on shopping?"

"Knowing the Watcher's Council it would all be Laura Ashley."


"Because you deserve it" Warren told her evenly. He raised her skirt with the
tip of the hunting knife and began to skillfully cut into the flesh of her

Willow closed her eyes and let him do whatever he liked. She bit her lip,
reluctant to cry out in spite of her considerable pain.

Because she deserved it.


Merrick gazed sadly at the body of the dead Slayer, killed by the first
vampire she had ever encountered.

"Hope the next one's better" he thought, leaving Buffy's lifeless corpse in
the graveyard.


Buffy wagged her finger indignantly at each in turn. "Hey I don't have to
take that from 'made out with the Dracula babes', Miss 'fell in love with a
werewolf', Mr 'never dated a woman who wasn't a demon', and Miss 'I like to
strangle my conquests'. Frankly I think my new relationship is perfectly
ordinary in comparison!" She took the hand of an uncertain looking Dawn.


"Quiet, Miss 'I went parking with a vamp."

"Faith wasn't a demon!" Xander protested.

"Hey, I was a demon in the sack!" Faith declared modestly. Xander nodded, a
seentaental smile on his face. Faith beamed, vindicated.

"You never 'dated' though" Willow pouted.

"But still...!" Giles' declared.

"What's that Mr 'Fucked our mother on the hood of a police car'?"

Dawn recovered the power of speech first whilst Giles struggled to regain his


"Twice" she held up two fingers to emphasize the point.


"So, we doing this training thing or what?" Buffy asked, sitting down beside

He looked at her, startled. "Wha...I thought were dead!" For a moment he
suspected her to be a vampire but she was in direct sunlight with a crucifix
around her neck.

She studied her nails "Oh puleeeze, being dead is so eighties! Girl power,
that's the big thing for the nineties I reckon."

Merrick decided not to question "Ok, first, the stake is your primary


"So I killed him. After all this time of killing demons I killed my first

Faith shrugged, "So I guess that puts you, me, Giles, Andrew, Anya, Spike and
Willow in the club, Xander and Dawn will start feeling left out."

Buffy looked at the floor. "I mean, I know the Bringers are human after a
fashion but Caleb..."

"I know it wrenches B" Faith continued. "But trust me, it gets lesser over
time. And you ever feel bad, like guilt is gnawing away at you from the
inside you just look at Xander's eye or think of the girls he killed and
you'll feel better."

"I just wish I hadn't had to..."

"We didn't ask for this. We were chosen. Chosen because we could do what
needed to be done. And you know what?"


"I think they chose the right chicks."

They shared a sad, knowing smile.



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