Disclaimer: All these characters belong to the creators and producers of
Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel/New Line Cinema and not me, this work has no
profit motive and is purely for fun/education.

Rating: Is there anything higher than NC17? Gang rape, sadism, bondage,
lesbianism between mother/daughters/sisters (NOT incest, no such thing
between women), incest, underage sex, character death, bloodplay, slavery,
bondage, oral, anal, suicide, M/F domination, F/F domination and god knows
what else! PLEASE BE WARNED, this is strong stuff, I plumbed the darker
reaches of my soul/imagination but not just smut for smut's sake (although
there's nothing wrong with that!). It also contains off-colour humour and
some words I've never actually spoken out loud (and I was sailor). If they
upset you don't worry, just keep reading, I promise a happy ending to almost
everything (I can't really write anything else).

Pairing: Easier to list whom this doesn't involve! Buffy/Joyce/Dawn,
Hank/Buffy/Dawn, Angelus/Buffy, Drusilla/Buffy, vampWillow/vampTara/Buffy,
Andrew/Buffy/Dawn/Anya/Willow, Glory/Faith the list is pretty much
endless... Everyone is over the age of consent wherever you are unless
specifically stated otherwise.

Spoilers/Timeline: Irrelevant, anytime and everywhere.

Summary: An exploration/parody of fanfiction detailing every conceivable
pairing and sexual act you can imagine. Please read to the end, it's the most
important bit. I wanted to do satires/parodies on every existing style of
fanfic, you'll hopefully recognise some of them. Of course I had NO idea what
I was getting into, Buffy fanfic is a like the expanding universe, infinite
and neverending. If you want to know the originals that inspired this and
where to find them give me an e-mail and I'll send you the list.

Distribution: Take what you like.

Feedback: why I wrote this, [email protected]

To clarify this * means the start of a new story whilst --- means a pause in
he existing story.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Why Do We Write This? Part 6 - Adam's Sex Toy
by GoolCaptain

The conversion chamber opened and Adam's new creation stepped out.

Buffy had long given up struggling against Adam's superior strength. When
he'd ripped her outer clothes off she'd voluntarily removed her underwear
and stepped naked at his command into the conversion chamber, fearful but
strangely excited and curious what her new life as Adam's slave would be

To a casual observer it seemed that Buffy looked perfectly normal but now
had a series of piercings, pierced nipples, pierced clit, matching wrist and
ankle bracelets with earrings. But actually they were cybernetic implants
that relayed his instructions directly to her reprogrammed brain. The
necessary drugs also had the side benefit of making her ample breasts
permanently engorged and swollen.

"Slave?" he asked her.

"Yes master" she replied evenly. She felt a little twinge of pleasure when
she used the words, her implants stimulating her clit and nipples. She
marvelled at her master's ingenuity, every time she obeyed him she'd feel
pleasure, every time she disobeyed, pain. Not that she had any intention of
disobeying him, not after all the brainwashing she'd undergone.

Adam smiled, pleased that his plan had gone so well, that the Slayer was now
his to command. But looking over her naked body he felt something else,
something he hadn't felt in a long time.


He noticed that Buffy was staring at his crotch, the huge bulge there obvious
to all. He looked away embarrassed, actually blushing.

She hurled herself at him, wrapping her legs around his waist, her arms
around his shoulders, pressing her body against his. He started to fight,
thinking she was attacking him but instead found that she was kissing him.
He quickly found himself kissing her back, his massive hands exploring her
nubile, petite body.

They finally broke the kiss, Buffy stroking the side off his face.

"Still want to conquer the world?" she asked.

Before Adam knew what he was doing he was shaking his head. He suddenly
realised that he didn't actually want to conquer the world any more. In
fact, he didn't want to hurt anybody.

It occurred to Adam that he had somehow absorbed some of Buffy's soul via
their psychic link. It also occured to him that it was far too late to do
anything about it.

Buffy looked him up and down. "We're going to have to do something about your
appearance. Get Will to do a glamour so that I can take you out in public.
And we're going to have to get you a whole new wardrobe, the whole Rambo
army-surplus thing was over decades ago."

"Women!" thought Adam "Always trying to change you."

"I heard that!" Buffy proclaimed, reading his mind.

"Oh brother!"

"And that!"


"Gotta go now Harm, I've got to go riding" Cordelia clicked her cellphone
shut and replaced it carefully on her neatly folded mound of clothing. The
blanket was a good idea, she was glad she'd thought of especially as it meant
she could carry the gymbag without arousing anyone's suspicions. Just loner
Cordy having a little picnic to herself. No sense getting grass stains on

She lowered herself another inch into Faith's ass, the strap on dildo sinking
in right up to the hilt. Faith winced and Cordy punished her with a sharp
crack of the riding crop across the buttocks.

She did some last moment adjusting, tightening the leather straps that forced
Faith's legs apart, twisting the nipple clamps attached to the helpless girl
beneath her until Faith's fingers were clawing the meadow grass in
frustration. Cordy pulled her riding boots up a little until they rode so
high up her thighs they grazed her pubic hair. They were her favourites and
if Faith only allowed her to wear one thing during their sessions it might
as well be her most prized Gucci thigh length boots, shiny, glistening, hand
crafted black leather with spiked heels.

She placed the tip of the riding crop between Faith's legs and traced the
lips of her cunny, already dripping with desire. Faith desperately tried to
grind her clitty against the leather but was punished by another whipping
and stayed still as a statue.

Cordy couldn't resist bringing the tip of the crop up to her lips, inhaling
Faith's wonderful scent and licking everyp ofp of her sweet juices from it's
surface. It was so hard to resist just bringing her off there and then, she
was certain w haw hard thrusts would suffice.

And they'd only just begun.

She leaned forward, resting her naked breasts on Faith's bare back. She bit
her earlobe and whispered "Now you be a good horsey and I'll give you some
sugar later."

Faith tried to nod but the bridle held her firm, the bit awkward between her
teeth. Cordy took delight in tracing the tip of the riding crop up and down
the length of Faith's gorgeous spine until her entire body shook with

Without warning Cordy brought the riding crop down viciously on her backside.
Taken by suprise Faith tried to cry out but Cordy stifled her by yanking the
reins in hard, jerking her head back.

"Giddy up, horsey!"

Obediently Faith began to canter around the meadow with Cordy taking furious
pleasure in energetically fucking her arse as she did so, periodically
punishing her with the whip if she stumbled or slowed her pace. As always
Faith was caught between conflicting emotions, joy and pleasure at her
voluntary subjugation and bondage, reveling in pleasing Cordelia so.

And sly, wicked anticipation that next weekend it was her turn to be the


"God Willow, you're a genius for figuring this out!"

Buffy squirmed beneath Angel's perspiring, well muscled body as he thrust
into her again and again, preparing herself for her fifth orgasm of the
night. She would have to get Willow something really nice to repay for this,
buy her a gold encrusted cauldron or something. It was a small price compared
to the pleasure she was receiving, so brilliant of her finally realising the
way that Buffy could finally have sex with Angel. She would buy her something
she would cherish forever, just like Buffy would cherish this night and all
the others which would follow.

Her grateful thoughts were interrupted by a sudden change in Angel's lust
filled expression. He froze, a sharp, overwhelming change in his demeanor
that could only signify one thing. He stared at her, an inhuman faraway
look in his eyes.

"Oh not again!" thought Buffy. She thought Willow had fixed things so this
wouldn't happen any more!

"Shall I begin the programme again?" he asked emotionlessly.

Buffy sighed and frowned at the Angelbot, running her hand through the
generously gelled false hair of the world's most versatile sex toy.


The vamp crumbled to dust. Buffy reached down and helped up the still shaken

She wasn't mom. A few years older and black. But she was close enough.

"Wh...wha?" she inquired breathlessly. Buffy cut her off.

"You have children?"

She looked surprised. "Yes...yes I have."

"Go home. They're waiting for you."

She stumbled off into the blackness, occasionally looking back. Aunt Arlene
emerged from the shadows, still trying to take in what she had just seen. She
DID look like Joyce. Buffy turned to face her.

"I save her. I save her every night. I save them all"

Arlene nodded and took Buffy's hand.


Willow flinched a little as Dawn finished applying the anti-sceptic ointment
to her cuts. Dawn finished bandaging her and then helped her pull her jeans
up. Dawnie was getting quite adept at first aid, Willow noted. Maybe she
should become a paramedic? Or a doctor?

"Will, this has to stop" Buffy told her.

Willow shrugged. "It's Warren" was all she could say.

"Warren's dead" Xander told her firmly. "It may look like him but that's just
your magic. You're doing this to yourself Will, as surely as you held the
knife in your own hand, itour our guilt."

Willow shook her head.

"Why are the scars always hidden from view Will?" Dawn asked her, taking her
arm. "Why are they never on visible parts of your body?"

Willow stared at the ceiling. "Because I deserve it" she intoned sadly.


"Because you deserve it" the blade of the knife glinted in Warren's hand as
he stepped towards her.

Willow stopped him by simply holding out her hand.

"So did you" she replied, sorrow filling her voice.

"Deserve this?" and suddenly he was without his skin, his flesh raw and
dripping. Willow was filled with an almost physical pain at the sight.

"Did Tara deserve to die?" she asked him.

Even though his face was a mass of exposed bone and muscle he still
registered a moment of hesitation.

"No, it was an accident, I didn't mean to, she just..." he trailed off. "IT
doesn't make this RIGHT!" he yelled again "NOTHING can make this right!"

Willow nodded, accepting what he said before responding "And Katrina?"

"She deserved it!" his skin was back again.

"Did you love her?"

"Yes I loved her" his reply was so immediate she knew instantly it was the

"And what happened to herat yat you did, it wasn't your fault? You just loved
her so much you couldn't help yourself?"

Hddeddded before he realised the significance of what he was admitting. He
let the knife slip from his grasp. It vanished before it hit the ground.

"I'm sorry". It was all he had to offer.

"So am I" Willow took his hand. He disappeared as she woke up. She never
dreamed of him, ever again.

Xander was slouched in the chair 'on watch', his magazines and coffee flask
resting on his lap, his feet propped up on Willow's bed as he snored. Dawn
and Buffy slept on either side of her. Willow replaced the covers where
they had slipped off Buffy, revealing her Sushi pyjamas. Dawn's pink tank
top-style nightie actually looked a lot more grown up, an effect slightly
ruined by the fact that she was sucking her thumb.

Willow closed her eyes again and drifted back to sleep. She began dreaming
once more the the day she and Tara had taken a picnic to the meadow and
laughed in the sunshine at the sight of Miss Kitty chasing the butterflies
through the flowers and grasses.

Because she deserved it.


Buffy slinked around the floor of Spike's crypt on all fours, mimicking the
feline grace of a prowling cat, taking care not to dirty her lacy white
lingerie. Spike sat on the bed, smoking and watching her with pleasure.

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty" he beckoned.

"Miaow" she replied playfully and began to purr. He reached down to stroke
her hair and she rubbed her head on his hand, brushing her body up against
his knees.

"Who's my little sex kitten?" he asked as she rolled on her back and let
him tickle her lace clad belly. He pulled on the lacing of the front of her
teddy, undoing it whilst drawing her towards him, slightly against her will.

She clawed his hand with her nails.

"OW! Bloody hell!" he exclaimed.

"Guess your sex kitten turned into a cat" she observed leaping onto him,
knocking him back on the bed and straddling him with her thighs.

"Fine by me" he thought.


"But you were the one who turned me evil, convinced us all to give up!" Angel
objected, incredulous.

"And now I'm saying it's time to get back on that annoyingly righteous white
horse of yours" Lilah replied scarcely able to believe she was saying it.

Angel nodded, fear and relief washing over him in roughly equal proportions.
"You coming with me?"

"As long as I can ride sidesaddle" she declared.


Dracula crumbled to dust as the sharp wooden splinter she had broken off from
the table leg pierced his heart. He didn't even have any last words.

"Guess the book was better" Buffy observed. She shook the unconscious girl
gently, rousing her awake.

"Wha...what happened?"

"I had to knock you unconscious for a little while," Buffy replied, pulling
her to her feet and handing over her T-shirt. "And this is why I should
always wear a bra" she remarked. It seemed pointless trying to cover herself
up, they were both standing there semi naked.

"How?" the girl asked slipping the T-shirt on. She placed her hand over the
shallow bite Buff had made in her neck.

"Sorry about that" Buffy apologised "But I had to make him think it was for
real" She took her by the hand and started to lead her to find some clothes
and Xander, preferably in that order. "I knocked you out using a pressure
point on the neck."

"So, you're like Xena or something?"

"Something like that."


It was everywhere. He just couldn't get away from it. Eventually he ended up
in one corner and just buried his head in his hands, crushing his temples
with his palms until he thought they would burst.

It wasn't real. He knew it wasn't. It was ridiculous. But it was real to him,
realer than the walls surrounding him. As real as the dying pair of eyes he
saw crucifying his soul in the darkness every time he tried to sleep.

Sunnydale High School used oil for it's rarely activated central heating
system. But to Spike the entire basement reeked of nothing but coal dust,
blood and coal dust mixed with tears.

"So this is what hell smells like" he thought, gibbering.


The dream dimension began to collapse around them as the teenage Billy began
to wake up. Buffy smiled sadly at Xander. He looked at her in agony, having
come to terms with her death once he was now being forced to bid goodbye to
her again. Distractedly he fished in his pocket for the Chocolate Hurricane.

"I didn't think you could get those anymore" Buffy observed, accepting a

"Only here" he replied gesturing to the rapidly fading dream reality. He
offered her the rest of the bar "I gave another one to Willow, she's
keeping it for me back home."

Buffy took the confectionery as he pondered what he had just said. She
touched him on the arm. "Tell mom I love her."

He seized her by the shoulders, the light of inspiration filling his eyes.
"Tell her yourself!"

She understood in a second and clung tightly to Xander, allowing herself to
be dragged unresistingly back with him into the real world.


She lit a candle and turned to Faith, lighting her candle with her the flame.
Faith turned to Vi and lit hers', Vi turned to Rhona and continued the ritual
until each and every Slayer gathered in the circle bore a light.

"To those Slayers who came before us" Buffy softly intoned, "Know that we
are grateful and your bravery and sacrifice are never forgotten. And that we
remember not only for what you were and what you did, but who you were and
how you loved. As you are loved, evermore."

They stood in silent contemplation, the candles flickering in the darkness.


"Been a long time" he ventured.

"Too long" Buffy replied taking Pike in her arms and kissing him.


Willow stirred, stretching in ecstatic weariness. The handcuffs felt
gloriously tight around her wrists, chaining her helplessly to the bedspread.
From the corner of her eye she could see the holstered pistol and ID wallet
placed casually on the bedside table. Her nostrils were filled with the
wonderful perfumed scent of the shock of bright red hair lying across her
breasts. She sighed contentedly.

She awakened, staring deeply into Willow's eyes and finding her lips with

"Willow" she murmured dreamily.

"Agent Scully" Willow giggled in return.




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