1. An "Even Stevens" Writer/Disney Executive had a "crush" on actress, Lauren
Frost. When he asked her out on a date, she reportedly respectively declined,
and told the Disney Executive that the feels were not mutual. Faced with the
possibility of a strictly platonic relationship, he began to write larger
roles for Lauren Frost's character, "Ruby," to try to impress her. He also
pushed for a Lauren Frost vehicle called "Virtual Casey" and for an variety
show called "The Super Magnetic Ultra-Shiny Super Super Lauren Show." Never
were picked up. He had a third idea called "Growing Pains" but was shot-down
when he found out that it had already been a show.
2. The incest angle was one of the final strings for the Disney
Executive/"Even Stevens" Writer's job. While the stories involving incest
never reached the actors, Matt Dearborn, the show's creator, heard about the
plots, and not only tried to veto the idea, but get the writer/executive
fired. "This is a show geared towards preteen kids, and with a channel that
won't allow damn to be said, why on earth are you even considering these
ideas?" The most-commonly given answer was "Because we'd kind of like to see
3. While there had been Disney Channel merchandise produced prior to the
show's debut (a soundtrack based on music from Disney Channel Movies, called
"hEARS PremEARS Vol. 1" came out on November 16, 1999), "Even Stevens" was
never given any commercial tie-ins. This is because the merchandise was nixed
As stated before, there had been a "Ruby Mendel and Ren Stevens
Compact-Fun-Toy" conceived, but the same Executive/Writer who came up with
that idea also came up with an idea for "Even Stevens" lingerie. "It'll be
great! The first lingerie geared especially towards teens and preteens. We'll
get Victoria's Secret to cross-promote! Then we'll get Christy, Lauren and
Margo to model the clothing. We'll put them in Victoria's Secret windows,
and have calendars. We'll be innovators! The first Disney Channel show with
thongs! They'll wear the merchandise on television!" The merchandise
department said, "Tell me, why have you been put in charge of this?" A year
later a "Lizzie McGuire" doll hit store shelves. The doll was not life-size,
nor did it have removable underwear.
4. Disney reprimanded the "Even Stevens" Writer when it was uncovered that he
was receiving the magazine, "Eating Out a Tot: Your Monthly Guide to Sucking
the Potato Out of a Tater" at his office. The corporation fined and suspended
him. He was having "Big Fat Butts: The Magazine about Big Fat Butts"
delivered to his office, as well.
5. This original version of this episode, which later, after rewrites, became
"Stevens Manor," was meant to be broadcast in March during Women's History
6. "Mouth-o-love." The term to describe the vacuum added to the mouth of the
Editor's Disclaimer: If you own a Web site, and think of archiving this
story--don't! If you like this story so much that you're willing to take
the time to post it on your site, complete with the author's name and
disclaimers, then we will SUE. My uncle is a lawyer and he will get every
single cent that you owe Dimes N. Nickels, because of all the pain and
depression you will cause him by showing that you really enjoy the story.
Edited by P.J. (Refer to the editor's glossary found in part one for
definitions of unclear terms. Refer to classroom if you can't read the
When possible, the author's original notes have been included.
Numbers by certain sentences indicate a corresponding note found at the end
of each part. The notes were included in 2006, years after the author's
initial writing in 2002.
Even Stevens: Reading Material for Your 11-Year-Old Nephew Part 7
by Dimes N. Nickels ([email protected])
XX. The Rights and Wrongs of Managing an Inn on Your Knees, or Bathroom
Literature for the Guy in Your Life Who's Straight, Thirty-six, Still Listens
to Teen Pop and Watches Programming that's Suppose to be Directed Towards
"That's it, Louis. Dad allowed you to slack through life this long. You
slacked on homework, you slacked on being a dog-walker, you slacked on your
monkey. But I refuse to permit it any longer," Ren said, arranging an
intimate meeting between her romper-room and the couch's cushions. "You can't
buy a llama to get you through this one."*
(*Author's Note: Wow, this is already getting hot. So hot. I knew I had to
write a spectacular finale. This thing is scorching. When I looked back at
the other parts, I said this just isn't hot enough. -Dimes)
Even though Ren resembled a breathtaking scene of Baskin Robbin's strawberry
ice cream melting blissfully on a sunset beach, with skin so smooth and warm
that butter could melt upon touching its surface, Ren found that Louis had
deemed himself incapable of keeping his head pointed towards his sister's
starving ticker-tape-parade. During her brother's indecision, Ren tiptoed her
fingers north to her bellybutton, where she introduced her pinkie to the
indent and tickled herself with a Pop Rocks-like delight.
She remembered something about being shy and coy. Something about her
brother and a bracelet. Something about tests and studying. And then Ren
remembered something about the stark spot between her legs. She spanked her
whose-knows-its and shrieked.
The amount of scientific discoveries continued to mount that night. Twitty,
standing erect with his hands on his hips and a jovial smirk on his face,
grew another inch to his energetic wowzer. The addition to one's member
occurred earlier that night. But, prior to that date, the last surviving
document of this phenomenon traced back to 2000 when a Disney Channel
Executive began to hire actresses based on how much his slinky-dink grew
when the girls entered his office for casting on the show, "Spivey's Kid
Brother." (1) His "private colleague" could no longer fit in the length of
his pants by the end of the process. (2)
However, while Twitty's concentration remained on the reclining cutie, the
other boy could not maintain the same level of discipline. Despite being
urged to descend on his mouthwatering, and very open-minded sister, Louis
intently watched Ruby and Tawny jockeying for position, or, perhaps, trying
to find the best position.
"Louis, what are you waiting for?" Ren asked.
"Five more minutes, mom."
"Louis, there are many, many guys who would love to be where you are now.
There's one writer in particular that would consider me the culmination of
every dream he ever woke up from in the middle of the night while laying on
a damp pillow," Ren explained.
"Ren, actually," Ruby said, interrupting this authors' self-indulgent,
third-person chatter. "I'd be his culmination of every dream that he ever
woke up from in the middle of the night while laying on a damp pillow."
"That's true, either way, Louis, don't ever confuse me and our mother again,
especially with my legs like they are."
The guests had been promised "a delightful stay on us." But as those guests
wandered into the living room (including three under the age of five), and
rubbed their drowsy mugs, they learned that the only thing "on them" was each
other. The commotion erupted between the customers, as they shielded their
kids' eyes, and in return, their kids tried to peek through.
The spastic utterances ranged from "That's it, get the bags," "We're
leaving," "Cover the kids' eyes," "They don't need to see this," "I don't
care if you think my grandmother is a sphincter, it's better than staying
here," "No, it's not," to "This is the highlight of the trip" and "I don't
know, try an ointment."
Though Ren survived a rough day, she didn't want to experience the same sort
of uncomfortableness in her overtime work as the Activities Coordinator. And
she decided to coordinate an activity of spitting on her palm, slathering it
on Twitty's "extended appreciation," and (just like with handful of Ivory
soap) lathering it into a bubbly application. After applying the substance,
Ren remarked that Twitty "better fill out a glowing review for the Activities
Coordinator" and delivered his slinky-dink's head to her lips. She kissed the
hole. She sucked only the outermost end. Her cheeks deflated. Her cheeks
blushed. Twitty dangled his finger by her mouth. Within moments, Ren sucked
both his finger and his wowzer.
"Oh, Ren, you're even better than Ruby!" Twitty pronounced.
"Oh please," Ruby said, as she retracted her legs to her shoulders -- while
laying on her back. "I'll bet you that there's a guy writing a story right
now who would love for me, more than Ren Stevens, to jump on him."
"Well, if he was here, he could tell us if he'd like to humdinger Ruby Mendel
more than Ren Stevens."
"Yes, I would," I say.
"And besides, Twitty, when I had you, I had you with the complete baseball
team," Ruby explained.
"That was your decision! You said we needed to work on our rotation!" Twitty
"You did need help--most of you only went once on my face."
When Louis began to gravitate away from his sister, Ren gripped his American
Eagle blue shirt, creating a pencil-sized rip, and tugged him back. "I'd
recommend that you don't stray away from the scheduled activity, Louis." Ren
pulled her brother down, wrapping her legs around him, and sneaking her hands
around to his wowzer and personally inserting it into her ticker-tape-parade.
"That's it, little brother," Ren said, as he took his first sample of her
Circus Time-like cotton-candy-inner-shell.
Ren Stevens and her biological-brother-and-current-candidate-for-a-prom-date,
Louis Stevens, transfixed their gaze on each other's twitching facial
expressions. Her Sara Lee chocolate eyes swiveled, and her chest heaved, as
the Black Cat-like firework escapades continually escalated. His mouth on her
mounds. Biting her flabby patches of skin. Breathing in her aroma of female
Brown Forest caramel as it sunk out of her leg dispenser. (3) She leaned in,
kissed his nose playfully, then grumbled. When he peered up from her chest,
Ren's face advertised an upcoming kiss. She tilted. He moved forward. It was
like the first time she kissed Bobby Deaver.
Only with Bobby, both kissing participants had been fully clothed.
And they didn't use tongue.
And Bobby wasn't ding-a-linging her during it.
And you know, the whole sibling thing, too.
Ruby and her never-ending attempts at the perfect position: standing; on
her knees; on her back while people spray her with syrup; on her back while
people spray her with syrup then eat her with Wonder Bread toast and Cookie
Crunch cereal. (She called the last one the Pop-Tart.) Ruby played the
four-food groups with her hands planted on her knees. This should have been
a balanced meal for anyone, but Tawny only nodded, and mainly kept abreast
of the Louis/Ren concoction.
When the siblings kissed, Tawny turned away from Ruby (to which Ruby
complained--a lot) and ruthlessly called Ren Stevens a "hussy." However,
Tawny quickly determined the word too mild, so she added "floozy."
"That's so first-grade, no one says that, that's a weak insult, Tawny," Ruby
giggled. "Call her a light-switch."
Ren didn't hear that insult. Or much of anything else. Too much "put in, take
out, moan," Even when Twitty, busy bobbing his slinky-dink into Ren's hair,
said that it felt "just like slices of Jell-o butterscotch pudding," Ren
didn't deviate her sight. She did feel the constant poking of his ding-a-ling
in the back of her head, though.
Algebra, English, Math, Mr. Tugnut's special underwear-only obstacle
course: Ren Stevens always felt her brain getting prodded by some upstanding
individual (whether that individual be a pillar of the community, or, in the
case of Twitty, just a standing person). Much like in this academic
instances, she was sure that her instructor, Mr. Alan Twitty, would give her
a passing grade. Though, by this time, Ren Stevens was tired of hearing about
Bs, Cs, and alleged As.
The bathtub, and the hallway, and through the keyhole of the bathroom when he
was six. Louis had seen his sister sans clothing. Those legs that road up to
the beautiful Christy-Romano, and those matching muffins (almost as tasty as
those from Perkins. Made fresh daily!). He thought about all those times in
the past: hands barely missing her sweetly-carved Perkins' pumpkin pie skin
(without the pumpkin color) during mistaken grabs of coats, and moments of
pure non-clothed clarity quickly vanquished by towels in unlocked bathrooms.
So when the kiss between the two became too strenuous, and neither one could
breathe, Mr. Stevens broke away. Louis rebounded, and after a gasp, he
snuggled in with her chest, finally ignored Tawny's doings, and proclaimed,
"These have got to be C-cups, right?"*
(*Author's Note: I personally don't know what size her muffins are. Run a
contest. Like one of those "guess the amount of balls in a jar" contests.
It was just like speech class. She knew Ruby. And Ruby talked a lot. Plus
Ren's mouth had been opened most of the night. What's the problem with
talking? Nonetheless, even with her previous experience and training, Ren
Stevens struggled to find the right words. When "thank you," "I'm so happy"
and "caterpillar" were determined inappropriate to tell her brother, she
kissed him. Her lips brushed about his cheeks and the side of his mouth
while the two barley recovered from the last smooch.
"Firework, Louis! Firework in me!" Ren demanded. "Who needs Bobby!?! You're
my new Bobby, Louis!"
Louis' constant motions consisted of repeated up-and-down thrusting. With
each collision of legs-on-legs, a small sense of arrive gathered in his body,
mainly in his torso. Ren's face contained a smile that reached out for that
an entire month of July where a person could be clad in a Gap swimsuit and
sit out by the pool at a Hilton Resort.* It was as if she had just brought
home an "A" grade. He wouldn't be a dark cloud, or the rain on her parade,
because Louis knew that soon, he would shower her with more than affection.
(*Author's Note: Yeah, these products, yeah. Wow, for how many pages now?
Wow. So many. So often. I guess. I guess. Good for me. Yeah. YEAH! Screw you,
reader. Good for me. Good for Dimes. GOOD FOR DIMES! BAD FOR YOU READER! I
HATE ALL READERS! -Dimes)
"I want it now! Big brother! Arrive in my tight ticker-tape-parade!"
"Excellent, dude, your sister is such a babe! Go for it!" Twitty cheered.
"Arrrrrghhhh, it's like a, like a..." Louis sputtered out.*
(*Author's Note: YEAH! GOOD FOR LOUIS! Hey, reader, I don't see you
humdinging with Ren Stevens. Louis is, though. GOOD FOR LOUIS! Look at him
do it front of your face. Just boasting about it. Readers bite. That means
"Oh Louis, I'm almost there, I'm just down the block!" Ren screamed.*
(*Author's Note: It just hit me. I can do whatever I want. Check this out.
"I touched Ruby Mendel's heavenly, round-to-perfection romper-room, just as
her smacking skin pounced on my sweaty flesh. As that beaming-light-of-a-girl
turned her head in my direction, and those sunshine locks cascaded off her
back, Ruby tipped her lips upwards between many
firework-inspired-and-muscle-clinching faces." Haha, now I'm ding-a-linging
Ruby, and I'm only am I not even in the story. Haha! You readers are lonely.
Especially you. The one who's reading this story now. Such a big man at
Disney, going to just veto this story, and again, it won't make it on air.
Won't even make it into a script. But look at who my girlfriend is! Loser.
The growing arrival was not special to Louis. He shared the stomach-turning
sensation with Ren, and as he bit down on her muffin's red nub, Louis found
her whose-knows-its damp enough to be moisten his humdinger. Then, her
sprinkler turned on.
"Oh, Ren, your ticker-tape-parade, it feels like a, it feels like a..."
"Coffee-filled center! Oh, Starbucks Coffee-filled center! Cherry-toppings!
Starbucks Dessert Cherry-toppings!" Ren screamed, as her whose-knows-its
muscles clinched around his slinky-dink. "I'm arriving!!!!! Louis I LOVE
YOU!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!"
That had been the first time Ren Stevens ever told Louis Stevens she loved
him. Louis always envisioned it being awkward and forced. Somehow, it didn't
seem all that terrible. Much better than the time that Beans pushed him in
the pool. Those times were so different from one another, that Louis even
wondered why this made him think of that.
With his sister clinging to his body; and with her arms tightly bound to him,
and lips interlocked in a kiss, he finally arrived in her ticker-tape-parade,
withdrawing his wads of arrive in her like scoops of ice cream at the Baskin
Robbins' parlor where him and Tawny traded licks of
Pumpkin-Plate-Perfect-For-a-First-Date and Cream-Pie-Custard flavors.*
(*Author's Note: These flavors could be a reality, along with my idea for
"Compact-Fun-Toys" and lingerie. "Even Stevens" can branch out to ice cream
flavors. How about, "I wanna lick Lauren Frost" as a slogan? See the flavor
would be called Lauren Frost. Get it? Where you going? Have you seen who my
girlfriend is? The hottest girl in Lawrence High. -Dimes)
Seven shots. Each one like swigs of Minute Maid orange juice in the morning.
The first two launched Ren's legs in the air. The second and third caused Ren
to arch her neck and sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." The forth and fifth
brought her to a striking rendition of the "Good Ship Lollipop," complete
with a laying-down dance number involving choreography using only her
wiggling ears and crinkling toes. And the sixth and seventh caused her to
faint for three seconds. Louis, sensing that this could be his final
opportunity, forced his hands around her legs and up to her Christy-Romano.
Though her skin was burning, Ren was shivering.
Louis rested his head on his sister's chest. As Ren's stomach enlarged with
each inhale of oxygen, Louis moved with the motions, and stole a glance from
Tawny, who was busy trying her hardest not to look over at the
"Hey, Tawny, did you see that?" Ruby screamed. "Louis totally arrived in her.
HER, his own SISTER! Imagine all that! And she said no to Tom. Think about
this, she would rather humdinger her own brother than humdinger Tom."
XX. After Ruby's Mother Barged into the Stevens Manor, and Demanded that Tom
Find Her Daughter, Babs Drank a Glass of Lemonade, Shoved Tom in the Closet,
and Ding-A-Linged Him For Fifteen Minutes.
"Ohhhhhh, tiddlywinks! Tiddlywinks! I can't feel my hand, and her mouth
tasted like deep-fried balloons," Tom said afterwards. "But it's still better
than washing the dishes."
XXII. Eyes Glimmering in the Shape of Floatation Devices
Tawny took a gander at the fake slinky-dink, and even with Ruby Mendel's
heavy shilling of "it's great," "you'll love it" and "you probably didn't
like vegetables the first time you ate them, either," the poet laureate of
Stevens Manor rejected the newfound garment by tossing it behind the
television set. She would have lit it on fire, to completely disintegrate
it, but Ren would have complained. It was just like Ren to complain about
property damage. Sheesh.
With all that had transpired while laying on her back, Ruby didn't need to
spew any "dangs" or "darns" when she watched Tawny substitute the strap-on
slinky-dink for her tongue. Ruby spread her ticker-tape-parade's door apart,
made a licking motion, and confidently requested that Tawny "use your tongue,
uh-huh, that's it, you've seen kittens before" while guiding the teenager's
head in place.*
(Author's Note: The words tongue and lick occur a lot in this story. Just
thought you should know. At least I haven't used the "head" pun in about
seven pages. -Dimes)
Even with a list of scholastic failures, Ruby grew accustomed to the mentor
role. Though, as could be seen by her specialized area of expertise, she
would have taught a class where students did less reading from textbooks and
dealt more with hands-on activities. And, she was proud that her star pupil,
Tawny could have been an appropriate guest speaker, considering she
single-handedly revitalized the written word during the "Secret World of
Girls" sleep over.
Ruby wondered how she was the one of academic probation, when it so obviously
appeared to her that academia was her calling.
For example, Tawny never licked a woman before, but Ruby's wisdom overruled
any uncertainties. "See that little knob protruding past my lips, kind of
looking like a stepped-on Swedish Fish? Just flick that with your tongue."
And Ruby's encouragement could inspire any ignorant simple to feel like a
veteran. "Wow, sweetie, I would have thought that you lived in my
ticker-tape-parade and you just came out for holidays." With Tawny's head
bent forward, and her mouth positioned in a kissing formation, the brunette
chewed on Ruby's gummy-trout. At first she merely pecked the piece with her
lips, but when Ruby slid her hands in Tawny's hair, and pushed forward, Tawny
fully made-out with Ruby's hole.*
(*Author's Note: Awwwww, that's my girl. I love you. But I don't know
about all of this. It is 2002, and I guess I should have an open mind about
extramarital activities, but I don't like you being with Tawny. If you love
me, you'll quit. No, I do not need to be told when to stop drinking chocolate
milk. No, you stop drinking chocolate milk. -Dimes)
The Lawrence High's Gossip Columnist arched her back, bit her lip, and
smothered her partner until, she too, learned of the experiment featuring a
lack of oxygen.* Ruby's bagels grew erect. She pinched them. She twisted
them. Ruby leaped up, and as she did so, closed her legs around Tawny's face.
For hours Ruby had been taught. But now, Ruby decided that Tawny would be the
one to not leave class until she understood and could clearly identify the
"Ms. Mendel lesson plan."
(*Author's Note on the Previous Note: You may remember the Stevens clan going
to Junior High. I just didn't find it appropriate for kids in Junior High to
be subjected to all this adult content. You know what I'm talking about: food
The female anatomy. Ruby once raised her hand in class and asked, "Ms.
Lovelson, why do I need to be taught about my whose-knows-its? Haven't I
been stuffing stuff down in, for like, what, my entire life?" Ms. Lovelson
may have been unaware about how much knowledge Ruby sponged up in her
kissing contests with the rest of the female Lawrence High Swim Team, but
Ruby assuredly asserted her brilliance to Tawny's sucking action. Tying her
fingers around Tawny's mane of hair, Ruby Mendel levitated off the seat
again, and planted Tawny's nose directly on the barley-noticeable stubs of
(*Author's Note: You broke my heart, Lauren. I loved you, and you do this to
me? I told you specifically to stop allowing Tawny Dean to lick you, and you
ignore me. I guess this is it. It seems like it just started. Lauren Mendel,
I'm sorry, but I have to dump you. No, I am not crying. I am not crying. I'm
just taking one of those non-water showers featuring that wet non-wet
Tawny Dean's naivety didn't become much of a factor, because, despite the
pressure, she didn't find it all that difficult with Ruby force-feeding her.
It seemed as if any action involving her tongue on Ruby's ticker-tape-parade
(or thigh, or air circulating around her thigh, or even just thinking of
applying her tongue on Ruby's ticker-tape-parade) elicited a scream of some
As this debauchery transpired, the not-yet-paying,
confused-as-to-whether-to-be-startled or-excited guests (many of who still
wore their pajamas) trudged through the living room, while holding their
hands over their children's eyes. The sounds of Ren Stevens' unscheduled
activities bellowed in the house, ricocheting off the walls until family
portraits fell, and the furniture inched out of position. The advertisements
read "Peaceful, tranquil and homey: Stevens Manor Open For Business."
However, with Ruby stretching her legs to meet her shoulders, the guests
knew that the house wasn't the only thing open.
"Oh, Tawny, now stick a finger in my romper-room," Ruby demanded with an
in-tune shrill. "But keep your tongue, keep your tongue on my Frosted Mini
Wheat! Oh, so sweet, on my Kellogg's Frosted Mini-Wheats now with twenty-five
percent more fiber!!"
Ruby's stomach. Pounding. Like Tootsie Rolls descending down a mountain.
Tawny inserted her tongue between the whose-knows-its folds, and the pleasing
Swedish Fish during its blossoming.
As instructed to before, Tawny sent a finger into Ruby's back-end. Though
Tawny was aware of the upcoming circumstances, this added objective turned
into a tight situation. The muscles wrung around Tawny's index finger, much
to the surprise of the finger's owner, considering that she recently learned
that ALL the stories about Ruby and the football team were true. What could
be left to stretch that wasn't already stretched out?
With a handful of Tawny, Ruby pulled her friend's hair, tearing her away from
the tender nougat center (which Ms. Dean would later claim was as sweet as
the new "Hershey Nougat Nuggets" coming out in the Spring of '04). However,
upon feeling the absence of her friend's tongue, Ruby cried "Sizzle Cake" and
reassigned Tawny back in place, applying a vice-like grip with her thighs.
"I'm oh, oh Tawny, devour me! Make me feel like whipped cream on top of the
slab of Perkins' pie," Ruby screamed. "Oh chocolate, caramel, nougat and
comfort in every bar! I'm, I'm..."
Ruby's mother once told her, "If you don't learn from history, you'll be
doomed to repeat it." Still, her mother said a lot of things. But not
listening to her mother never hurt as much as it did when Louis grabbed
Tawny, yanking her away just as Ruby was about to firework all over Tawny's
Nonetheless, always one to land on her knees, Ruby was pulled over to
Twitty's after-work celebration.
XXIII. More Butt Stuff
"Louis? What are you doing?" Tawny asked. "Why'd you do that?"
"I don't know! I don't know! I was watching you, you and Ruby, and I don't
know, I just didn't want to see you there, with Ruby," Louis replied.
"Why? Why Louis? Everyone wants to see that Louis! Everyone wants to see
Tawny Dean lick Ruby Mendel. Why don't you?"
"I don't know, I thought she was hurting you, you looked like you couldn't
breathe. She wasn't letting go. And the Stevens Manor doesn't have a
"Louis settle down. Remember about your nose bleeds."
As Tawny and Louis conversed about the merits of public displays of
affection, Ruby, Ren and Twitty reached their own conclusions on the subject.
With her firework sautéing in her belly, Ruby dropped to her knees, and with
Ren bent over the couch seat, pried apart her bff's flesh cushions. When
Twitty dipped his ding-a-ling inside of Ren's whose-knows-its, the plugging
rippled, not only through Ren's interior, but her exterior bubble rump as
well. Twitty delivered his feverish pelvic moves, while periodically scanning
down to his accomplice, Ruby. Ms. Mendel would wink and stick out her tongue.
This telling mannerism occurred three times, before he pulled out, and
repositioned it selflessly on Ms. Mendel's tongue... and down her throat.*
(*Author's Note: You rebounded quickly. Already with another man. Sheesh.
What a light-switch! No, of course not, I don't mean that. Not to you. I'm
just jealous. Hungry too. -Dimes)
"Louis, tell me! Why?" Tawny inquired. "Why did you pull me away?"
"I don't know, it's just that, it's just that when I saw you..."
Even though the warm confines of Ruby's mouth was a welcomed delight,
Ruby still dislodged the slinky-dink, and reinserted it back into Ren's
ticker-tape-parade. Ruby stuck her tongue just above Twitty's insertion,
and lubricated the utensil, coating it with an additional layer beyond
just Ren's freshly-squeezed juice. While she watched his repeated poundings,
Ruby raised to Ren's shapely behind and squeezed.
"Sometimes I feel that I just can't keep my eyes off that talented
Christy-Romano," Ruby said, applying small pecks up Ren's shoulders like a
machine producing Hershey's Kisses on a display shelf that was Ren Stevens's
skin. These embraces continued up to Ren's face.
"When I see your eyes, and that hair and your beauty, I just have to say you
are Lauren-Frost," Ren stated, kissing Ruby back, stopping to moan, exerting
a warm gust of her breath in Ruby's face, then kissing some more. (4)
A growing tug strained Twitty's midsection. At first, he thought that he
prematurely arrived, but upon noticing that he had been blessed with a second
chance, decided on the target for his firework, pulled out and waved Ruby in
to demonstrate her talents again. She happily obliged. Much like Ren, Ruby
could have also been a great piece of artwork. Unlike Ren, though, Ruby would
always be the painter's canvas.
"Look, Louis, is there something you want to tell me? If so, then tell me,"
Tawny pleaded. "Just tell me."
"Tawny, it's just that I've known you for so long..."
Twitty delved his slinky-dink around the rink of Ruby's mouth. It felt like a
bowl of Rice Krispies. It snapped, crackled, and popped. Plus, every time he
withdrew, Twitty's slinky-dink emerged with additional sparkles and flashes.
The toppings weren't only for Twitty and his humdinger, though. The
pre-arrive slithered between Ruby's teeth, and smeared among the pool of
Ren's juices that splashed around in her mouth like a teetering bowl of milk
after the last of the delicious Kellogg's cereal was eaten.
Twitty pulled out, and instead of returning it to the comfort of Ren's
ticker-tape-parade, Twitty delved it into her back-end, and her bite-size
back-end hole. Her eyes flung open, flaring a red flame of discomfort, while
a burning sensation ravaged her back. Ren screamed, then scratched at the
couch until it ripped and the cotton seeped out.*
(*Author's Note: Doing romper-room without the proper precautions results in
a pain best soothed by Nelson's Hemorrhoid Cream, a homeopathic solution to
life's pains in the butt. -Dimes)
"Watch it, Ren, your parents, you need to be more careful," Ruby said, waving
her finger and nodding her head.
Ren would have retorted, if she had any control over her bodily functions.
The second and third time Twitty dived into her backstage area, Ren Stevens
thought she saw her life flash before her eyes. She witnessed it all over
again: "A grade, A grade, A grade, A grade, A grade, A grade, Ruby touching
her butt, A grade, A grade, Ruby with a ding-a-ling."
"Louis, talk to me--just spit it out!" Tawny screamed, as Louis paced around
the room, but he wouldn't respond.
"Oh, Raisinettes! That's it! Ruby, give me your face!" Twitty hollered,
removing himself from Ren's behind.
One would think Ruby Mendel, by this point in the story, would be able to
predict when an excited person would suddenly jump on her to fulfill some
sort of release. But, still, without alarming Ruby of the upcoming event,
Twitty graced his standing member with Ruby's open mouth, and watched as
her eyes widened, while she flung her limbs around.
Even though she was well-accustomed to this act, Ruby still spit it out.
"Oh, whatever! That's been in her romper-room!" Ruby objected, spitting on
the carpet, and licking her arm to cover the taste.
"Oh Ruby, your tongue's probably been in her romper-room, before," Twitty
remarked. "And if it hasn't you probably been wanting to."
"That's true," Ruby said with a shrug.
Twitty grabbed Ruby's hair, and flew his slinky-dink directly on the landing
pad of Ruby's vivacious nose. With a final, self-penned stroke, Twitty
released six wads of arrive; the first four hit the bridge of Ruby's nose,
and the two consecutive shots ascended up her nostrils. Once demonstrating a
soft, lovely, milky texture, Ruby's nose now boasted just a layer of chunky
white fluid. The arrive avalanched down the tip of her nose, then dived down.
It was well-frosted.
No other parts were painted. She even had closed her eyes, in anticipation of
the painting, but it was unnecessary.
For three weeks afterwards, Ruby could only smell Twitty's arrive. Days
later, when her mother asked her to smell some recently-baked Toll House
chocolate-chip cookies, Ruby held her hair out of her face, leaned down,
sniffed, and said, "Those are the best-smelling cookies... ever."
XXIV. "This should have been a Harry Potter story." - More Potential Feedback
Two "Kellogg's Presents..." romper-room boom-booms in one night. Ren Stevens,
who found it difficult to sit on her rump prior to Twitty's try, could only
recline by easing onto a pillow. She unhinged herself from the back of the
couch, while Ruby crawled to the seat besides her and sneezed. Some of the
arrive, which was once hardening on her nose, splattered on the coffee table.
With the couch ripped apart her own fingers, Ren Stevens just sighed at
Ruby's most recent destruction of property while Twitty collapsed on the
Ruby and Ren's post-firework conversation started out simple. Giggles and
anecdotes about Ruby's mother; how Babs imagined that Ren sleeping over at
the Mendel's was meant to light a flame in her daughter's dwindling
education, and how it ended up with Ren's rump and Ruby's nose draped in
the same bodily fluid that caused her to fail the science test in the first
place. Then Ren brought up the gender-confused dream, and Ruby's part as
the proud owner of a functioning slinky-dink, which was followed by more
laughter, and a proposal by Ren.
Ren kissed Ruby's cheek, commented that a "slinky-dink isn't the only thing
she could suck" and listened to her light-switch of a friend agree. However,
of all the body parts that she thought Ren could attach to her lips and
inhale, Ms. Mendel found that this one was not commonly associated with the
practice. Ren whispered the suggestion in Ruby's ear, placed her fingers on
Ruby's ticker-tape-parade, opened her gaping mouth, and secured her lips
around Ruby's nose.
For the first time in any of her activities, Ruby Mendel had to make the
conscious decision to breath through her mouth.
"Louis, I've wanted to be with you for months now. I was so jealous, but
you just pushed me away. Always pushed me away! You didn't want me at the
cafeteria, but suddenly Ren's whose-knows-its is closed for business, and
you come clamoring to me. Now it's go humdinger this person, go humdinger
this old man!" Tawny explained.
"I tried, I asked you, but you just said that teenage romance was like a
cloudy day in a cantaloupe's noggin. You wouldn't listen."
"I'm listening now, Louis," Tawny said.
Bagels bouncing. Sweat beading. Heart rate increasing. Ren initiated the
wiggling as her fingers held the flood at bay, while she sucked Twitty's
arrive off Ruby's nose. The sounds emanating from the action squeaked and
slurped. Ren's tongue lapped the length while Ruby shook at the impending
firework gnawing at her stomach. Her ticker-tape-parade eclipsed Ren's
fingers, almost biting it, much like Ren teeth were doing to Ruby's nose.
Tawny and Louis looked at one another with blinks and frowns. They fumbled
with their hands and spoke when the other one spoke.
Despite all of the drama already commencing in the middle of Steven's
household, Mr. Manning, still running from his wife, stumbled into the living
room. Mrs. Manning, orthopedic slippers and all, chased him, wielding a purse
concealing an avocado and hitting it on top of her husband's head.
"Oh, let me go, stop hitting me you old bag!" Mr. Manning remarked. "I should
have stayed with Mildred Davis, and left you to rot!"
"Mildred Davis?" Mrs. Manning responded. "For the last time, that wasn't
Mildred Davis! That was your cousin, Jamie, and Jamie is a man! He was just
wearing a wig."
"He was still better than you."
Mr. Manning, in his attempt to rush out the door, collided with Louis, which
caused Louis to be pushed into Tawny.
The two teenage, love-struck protagonists' lips nearly met, but remained
separated only by a centimeter.
"'A miracle!' / That knocks me out. / There is a charge," Tawny whispered.
""For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge / For the hearing of my
heart -- / It really goes," Louis said, completing the next stanza of the
Sylvia Path poem.
"Louis, how did you know that?" Tawny asked.
"Wow, I don't know, I guess, I guess I heard you say it once," Louis
And with a final fingering, Ren broke Ruby's dam. While Ren's mouth cinched
around the nose, licking the nostril and devouring the sugary topping, Ruby's
rainbow of fruit flavor sailed onto the straight (ahem, in one sense of the
word, anyhow) "A" student's fingers. Hips bucked. Fingernails scratched. That
demure firework, once thought to have settled on a lifetime inside of Ruby
Mendel, finally arrived. And that gust of wind, which had been absent for
over an hour, reemerged, blowing her hair off her shoulders, while an
orchestra played that same romantic tune which was as breathtaking as the
At 12:31 AM, Ruby Mendel welcomed her release, in what had been an agonizing
seven hours without one. It had been the longest she went without one since
she was nine.
"Oh, I'm arriving Ren! I'm arriving Ren! Finally! Finalllllly!
AHHGGGGGGGGHGHGGGHGHGGH!!!! HARRDDDRDEREDERRRRRRR!!!! THANK YOU!!!! OH, I'M
BURSTING WITH FRUIT FLAVOR!!!! TIDDLYWINKS!!!!!!!!! TIDDLYWINKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And also at 12:31 AM, with four quivering, nervous lips, Tawny and Louis
welcomed their first kiss.
And it lasted until 12:32 AM.
1. "Spivey's Kid Brother" wasn't the only program cast by this Disney Channel
Executive. "What's Lizzie Thinking?" also was approved, and also made it to
air. "Spivey's Kid Brother" wasn't the Executive's first choice for a name.
He wanted to rename the show "Attractive Girls in Humorous Situations," but
it ultimately became "Even Stevens." "What's Lizzie Thinking?" was going to
be "The Best Tasty Blonde to Watch with Your Daughter," but was changed to
"Lizzie McGuire" at the last moment.
2. This Disney Channel Executive currently publishes his "Even Stevens"
stories on the Internet. Most of them are the stories that he submitted to
the show's producers. Some, such as "That's What Friends Are For," "Men (And
Women) Prefer Ruby Mendel Two To None!" And "Bending Over Backwards (And
Forwards) For A Birthday Gift" were rejected immediately and completely by
Disney. "Reading Material for Your 11-Year-Old Nephew," however, was later
rewritten as "Stevens Manor." It was these outrageously-explicit stories and
his equally-shocking ideas for product tie-ins (lingerie and blowup dolls)
that lead to his dismissal in 2003.
The final straw came when he screamed at other Disney Executives about
them forcefully adding product placements to the stories. After completing
"Reading Material for Your 11-Year-Old Nephew," he was asked to rewrite a
portion of the story featuring commercials. After the story was handed in,
the other Disney Executives could not understand why, when they asked only
for one mention of their then-new cartoon "Teamo Supremo" to be included,
he incorporated many products from companies that weren't even sponsors.
"I hope you all die. Just die! What? It doesn't matter how much chocolate
milk I've had!" he screamed at them. The "Teamo Supremo" reference eventually
made it into the episode "Leavin' Stevens."
Along with receiving a nomination for "Best Author," one of his shunned
stories was up for two Internet awards including "Best Series" and "Best
Young Adult Story/Series" under a pseudonym, Dimes N. Nickels. Another of
his pseudonyms remains on the credits of a few of his penned episodes
including "Stevens Manor," "Secret World of Girls" and "Head Games".
Also, his therapist diagnosed him as being "a sad, sad individual." He was
released from an unnamed hospital in 2004, following a mental break collapse
after his firing.
3. Many of the supposed product placements never made it into the final
shows. Dimes N. Nickels was adamant against forcing sponsors into the
stories. As said in the above note, his rebellion against the practice got
him fired. When another executive asked him why he had such a outburst about
only having to place one reference in a story, Dimes replied, "Yeah, and
watch, then they'll tell me to stop including sex in my stories, which they
already have. This place stifles creativity. Next thing you know they'll
just rip off 'The Parent Trap,' make the girl characters into boy characters
and place it in some lame place like a hotel."
4. When Lauren Frost refused to turn her relationship romantic with him,
Dimes. N. Nickels wrote many scripts and stories focusing on her character.
The stories, as you can probably tell, were misguided attempts at winning her
Lauren Frost was overheard telling her friend Margo Harshman, "I understand
what he was doing, and it's nice to try to give me more on-screen time, but
I read this one where I have sex with Ren in a stall in the ladies' room for
the entire twenty-two minutes. How do you respond to something like that? He
never bought me chocolate or flowers, or ever really said anything to me at
all. He just wrote pornography for me to star in. It's so sweet—in such a