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DISCLAIMER
Why are you reading this? You know these all say the same thing. You could
be reading porn right now. But instead you're reading this. It's amateur
erotic fiction; do you really think there's any legal issues? Are you old
enough? Is this legal in your area? Does anyone check what porn is and is
not permitted in his or her area? Why would you even be here if you didn't
know that Palahniuk and Uhls own these characters? You could post this thing
on a million websites and no one would care. Write your own porn. If you had
no imagination you'd be watching instead of reading, so you obviously could.
Write a porno movie. Get a camera and cum on someone's face. Stop looking
for what you want and create it yourself. If you don't make yourself cum no
one else will.......Tyler

Fight Club: I Am Jack's Blue Balls (M/F,MM/F,mast,rough,viol)

A Screenplay

By: Marquis de Porn

[email protected]

CAST:
NARRATOR-Edward Norton
TYLER DURDEN-Brad Pitt
MARLA SINGER-Helena Bonham Carter
ANGEL FACE-Jared Leto

View the DVD website for bonus features including author's commentary, scene
selections, and publicity material.

SCREEN BLACK

JACK (V.O.)
People are always asking me if I fuck Marla singer.

FADE IN:

CLOSE SHOT: JACK'S FACE.

JACK'S face is on a carpeted floor.

MARLA
Why won't you fight back?

INT. MARLA'S ROOM. NIGHT.

JACK'S face scrunches up in pain. JACK and MARLA are both naked. JACK is
lying face down on the floor. MARLA is standing.

JACK (V.O.)
No one really asks that, I'm just nostalgic. Tyler's space monkeys and
Marla are the only people I've talked to since I killed Tyler.

MARLA kicks JACK in the balls. ANGEL FACE is standing against the wall, also
naked. JACK rolls over on his back.

JACK
I don't know.

JACK (V.O.)
Don't even both saying “this isn't fair” or “you can't do this.” The sooner
you realize there is no fair, and they are doing this, the sooner you can
change your situation.

MARLA kicks JACK in the face.

JACK (V.O.)
The space monkeys visit Marla's place often, cause they still think I'm
Tyler, and I live at the Regent Hotel with Marla now.

JACK tries to stand up but MARLA kicks him in the balls and he falls down
again.

JACK (V.O.)
I can't get a place under my name and I can't go back to Paper Street.

Marla steps on JACK'S hand and kicks him in the head.

JACK (V.O.)
I don't watch the news but I'm probably on the FBI's most wanted list. I
ask Marla and the visiting space monkey's not to tell me anything about my
status on the outside.

MARLA sits on JACK and punches him in the face.

JACK (V.O.)
Whatever the world thinks or knows about me, the space monkeys seem awfully
proud of me, Marla seems worried.

Marla stands up and exhales exhaustedly. She kicks JACK in the balls once
more. Then she starts walking back towards ANGEL FACE.

JACK (V.O.)
The space monkeys always want to tell me about the great accomplishments of
Project Mayhem, I just tell them I'm retired.

TYLER stands over JACK. TYLER'S face appears upside down from JACK'S
viewpoint.

JACK (V.O.)
I can't fuck Marla for you anymore. You have to do it yourself.

JACK stares straight ahead.

JACK (V.O.)
As you can see, all of this has something to do with an imaginary man named
Tyler Durden.

INT. MARLA'S ROOM. AFTERNOON.

JACK is lying on MARLA'S bed, naked, masturbating.

JACK (V.O.)
I masturbated in vain every day. Wait, I can't start here, you'll be lost.
Once again I back up.

INT. MARLA'S ROOM. DAY.

MARLA is lying on her back on her bed. JACK is on top of her. They're both
naked. MARLA is smoking and staring up at JACK with a bored look on her
face. MARLA rolls her eyes as JACK thrusts a few times and rolls off of her.
JACK hits the mattress and slides off the bed. JACK, the sheets, and MARLA
slide off the bed and onto the floor revealing the slippery plastic cover
still on the mattress. MARLA stands up, she's upset.

MARLA
Is that the best you can do?

JACK
Yes, I'm sorry I'm not as good as Tyler.

JACK stands up. He throws a used condom in a trashcan.

MARLA
Shut up. You know, ever since you told me your name wasn't Tyler Durden
you've really been a whiney little pussy.

MARLA searches the sheets for her cigarette.

JACK
Hey, I'm not the one complaining about the sex.

MARLA finds it and continues smoking.

MARLA
Well you have nothing to complain about, I'm great.

JACK
Men never complain, they're just happy to get laid.

MARLA
They complain when you don't swallow.

JACK twists his face into a sarcastic smirk. MARLA smiles and picks up the
sheets.

MARLA
You never had any problem satisfying me when you were Tyler. Sometimes I
couldn't keep up with you.

MARLA throws the sheets onto the bed.

JACK
I told you, I can't remember what Tyler did. I killed Tyler.

MARLA
I still don't understand that. You have to remember something.

CLOSE SHOT: JACK'S FACE.

INT. TYLER'S ROOM. NIGHT. (FLASHBACK)

JACK is on top of MARLA fucking her. MARLA is screaming in passion underneath
him. JACK looks up from MARLA with a confused look on his face.

INT. MARLA'S ROOM. DAY.

JACK
It's like trying to remember an old dream.

MARLA
Well I didn't really believe that you and Tyler were separate till you
fucked me, if you can call it that.

JACK sits down on the bed and slides off again.

MARLA
At least that plastic ensures something unexpected might happen.

MARLA turns around and looks at herself in a mirror.

JACK
Hey, I can't be that different. I'm still the same size as Tyler.

MARLA slyly looks over her shoulder at JACK.

MARLA
Don't be so sure.

JACK stands up.

JACK
Ok, I get it. You're not exactly helping the situation.

MARLA
There's nothing I can do. You couldn't satisfy Chloe.

JACK (V.O.)
I am Jack's sexual inadequacy.

MARLA flicks her cigarette at JACK. It hits his crotch and he jumps back,
brushing it away.

JACK
You could at least refrain from smoking while we're having sex.

MARLA
Tyler never used to mind.

JACK
Tyler quit smoking.

JACK (V.O.)
Knowing Tyler, he did it to spite Corporate America.

MARLA
I should just go back to prostitution, purely out of boredom.

JACK picks up a box of condoms.

JACK
That's it, we're going to try again, right now.

MARLA turns around. She takes the box from JACK and throws it across the
room.

JACK
What are you doing?

MARLA pushes JACK onto the bed and kneels on the floor. She leans forward
and takes JACK'S cock in her mouth. MARLA reaches up and pushes JACK down
onto the bed. She grabs his balls while she moves her mouth up and down. She
reaches underneath him with her other hand and scratches his ass. She sucks
his cock till he's hard. She lifts her head up and stares into his eyes. She
exhales hot breath on his cock as she slides herself away from him. She
stands up.

MARLA
You ready now?

JACK
More than...

MARLA walks away from JACK. JACK sits up.

MARLA
Well then you can either get Tyler back or fuck yourself.

JACK (V.O.)
I am Jack's unrequited desire.

MARLA walks to a dresser and picks up her flesh-colored plastic dildo.

MARLA
That's what I'll be doing.

MARLA sits on the bed to the right of JACK.

MARLA
This wasn't a threat to Tyler, it is to you.

MARLA starts licking the head of the dildo. She bites it and pulls on the
dildo like she's trying to rip it in half with her teeth. She stops for a
moment and looks at JACK. She pushes him down on the bed with her left hand.
With her right hand she shoves the dildo in his mouth. JACK pushes her hand
away. MARLA spreads her legs and starts rubbing the dildo on her pussy.

MARLA
At least you're good for some lube.

JACK sits up and wipes his mouth.

JACK
At least I know where it's been.

MARLA pushes the dildo into her pussy. She holds the dildo inside with her
left hand and traces the rim of her pussy with the fingers of her right
hand.

MARLA
No you don't. I bought it at a thrift store.

JACK looks surprised. MARLA keeps her left hand on the dildo and closes her
legs on it. She brings her right hand up to her breasts and pinches her
nipples.

JACK
How does a dildo end up in a thrift store?

MARLA continues masturbating. She licks her fingers an rubs her nipples with
them.

MARLA
It was at the bottom of a box. I didn't know it was in there till I bought
it. I figure it's been passed around a lot if it ended up in a place like
that.

JACK (V.O.)
I could picture some girl buying it at a porno store. She was shopping with
her boyfriend and they were looking for something kinky.

MARLA grabs JACK'S hand and puts it on her breast as she masturbates. JACK
stares into space, lost in thought. MARLA uses her hand to make JACK'S hand
squeeze her breasts.

JACK (V.O.)
After they break up she forgets about it for awhile. Then one day she gives
it to her younger sister cause she assumes they both started masturbating at
the same age.

MARLA lets go of JACK'S hand and uses two hands on the dildo. His hand
lingers on her breast for a while. When MARLA leans back his hand falls onto
the bed.

JACK (V.O.)
One day she shows the dildo to her best friend. She steals it because she
doesn't have an older sister to shower her with gifts of sex toys.

MARLA starts screaming passionately and moving the dildo very fast. She
slows down gradually.

JACK (V.O.)
She starts worrying her parents are going to find it so she hides it in a
box that's being given to a thrift store.

MARLA takes the dildo out and hands it to JACK. JACK tosses it on the bed.
MARLA begins putting on a burgundy dress.

MARLA
You'd better learn to satisfy me or you won't be getting any sex at all.

JACK (V.O.)
It was impossible for me to leave the apartment. Marla brought me food and
did everything else. I literally depended on her for survival and more. She
was like a mother to me.

MARLA puts on shoes and opens the door.

MARLA
Till then you'll just have to satisfy yourself. You can use my dildo if you
want.

JACK (V.O.)
But living with your mother is like staying in an abusive relationship.

MARLA leaves and closes the door.

INT. MARLA'S ROOM. AFTERNOON.

JACK is lying on MARLA'S bed, naked, masturbating.

JACK (V.O.)
After a few days I realized Marla was serious about not fucking me. But I
couldn't improve if I couldn't practice.

MARLA walks in with four lunches stolen from Meals on Wheels.

JACK (V.O.)
The only privacy I had was when Marla was out stealing jeans and meals.

JACK stops masturbating and sits up.

JACK (V.O.)
I don't know why I felt I needed privacy. Whenever Marla walked in on me
jerking off she just ignored me.

MARLA sits in a chair and opens one of the meals.

JACK (V.O.)
If she had watched me I could have continued, but somehow ignoring me was
worse. It was easier masturbating alone that it was trying to when I could
see her heartfelt disinterest.

INT. MARLA'S ROOM. MORNING.

JACK is masturbating alone.

JACK (V.O.)
I was the Zen master of masturbation. It was like guiding my own meditation.
I had created my own chakra, the cock chakra.

INT. CAVE. (JACK'S IMAGINATION)

JACK walks into his cave naked. MARLA is naked and tied to a chair made of
the same ice as the cave. Her legs are spread and her arms are behind the
chair. She has a metal device holding her mouth opened and she is wearing
two nipple clamps connected with a chain. She has a look of desperation in
her eyes. TYLER walks out from behind the chair naked. He jumps onto the
seat and stands there between MARLA'S legs. He starts fucking MARLA'S mouth
and looks over his shoulder at JACK. He grins condescendingly.

TYLER
Slide.

INT. MARLA'S ROOM. MORNING.

JACK has stopped masturbating and is staring at the ceiling with wide eyes.

JACK (V.O.)
As soon as I gave up on Marla, Tyler reappeared.

TYLER is sitting naked on the bed, next to JACK.

TYLER
What the fuck are you doing?

JACK jumps out of the bed and stands on the other side of it.

JACK
You can't be here, I killed you.

TYLER
If you close your eyes you can see what isn't there.

JACK stares at TYLER exasperatedly.

JACK
This is impossible, I'm dreaming.

TYLER
I was a dream to start with. You don't need me as much as you did, so I'm
essentially gone. But I'm still in your head.

JACK waves his hands around.

JACK
I'm not going to let you blow anything up or hurt anyone. I'll kill you
again.

JACK points at TYLER.

TYLER
I don't want to blow anything up anymore. Excuse my bad pun. I want to get
you blown.

JACK scoffs at TYLER'S statement.

JACK
What are you talking about?

TYLER
Just like before you met me; you're laying in bed masturbating when you
could be having great sex with Marla.

JACK
Well it's no good to me to have you fuck Marla, I can't even remember it.

TYLER
And this is better? I had to stop you because Marla wasn't going to interrupt
you this time. But since I'm in your head I guess you're stopping yourself.

JACK
Stopping me from what?

TYLER
From settling. I won't let you squirt your ambition onto your stomach. I
know you, when you become content you stop trying.

JACK
What are you talking about?

TYLER stands up and points at JACK.

TYLER
The next time you cum, you're cumming in Marla, or you're not cumming at
all.

JACK
Is that supposed to motivate me?

TYLER
Once you're desperate enough, you'll find a way to fuck Marla the way you
both need it.

JACK
I think it would be best if you just told me what you and Marla did and
left me alone.

TYLER
If you can't remember, how can I tell you?

JACK
You can't make me stop masturbating.

TYLER
I can make you do anything, you know that.

MARLA walks in. JACK looks at the door, then looks back to were TYLER was.
TYLER is gone.

INT. MARLA'S ROOM. NIGHT.

JACK is on the bed masturbating.

JACK (V.O.)
Insomnia still haunts me. Instead of nodding off and becoming Tyler I spend
six hours a night in bed thinking about Marla, jerking off, trying to cum.
But Tyler stops me every time. He's able to stop me because he's right, I
could be having great sex with Marla. Tyler's still with me I guess, though
now he's purely internal. Now instead of a jailer keeping me imprisoned in a
shared body, he's more like a parole officer. He keeps me in check, makes
sure I won't give up and settle for less, no matter how much I want to.

JACK switches hands.

JACK (V.O.)
Or maybe Tyler's a psychological terrorist, thwarting my attempts at
pleasure to frustrate me and thus attempt to gain his own release from my
subconscious. He thinks if I'm forced to reintegrate him to get what I want
then I'll have to eventually become him again. How can Tyler think if he's
gone? How can I know what he thinks if I killed him? Am I doing this to
myself?

JACK stops masturbating and rolls onto his side.

INT. MARLA'S ROOM. EVENING.

JACK is watching porn on MARLA'S TV. There's a tape box sitting on top of
the TV that reads “Animated Bukkake.”

JACK (V.O.)
I had hit bottom, just like Tyler always wanted. That's why I couldn't get
Tyler back, his self-stated purpose was to help me hit bottom. But ironically
Tyler could never hit bottom, he was too obsessed with making the rest of
the world hit bottom. When you really hit bottom you stopped caring about
everything. You didn't want to save the world, or destroy it. In fact you
wanted nothing to do with it. I hit bottom for a split second when I pulled
the trigger on a gun in my mouth. I now suspect it was Tyler who cocked the
gun slightly to the left at the last second, blowing out the side of my face
instead of killing me. Maybe he thought if I lived after hitting bottom I'd
pick up his cause, but considering the nature of our existence I guess he
knew I wouldn't. Or did he? Did he think in the same time frame as I did? If
I thought I was killing myself, but Tyler knew he was making me shoot the
left side of my face off, then shouldn't I have died, and Tyler lived. Maybe
Tyler's gone cause he served his purpose, I hit bottom like he wanted me to,
like I needed to. And a second was all it took. I couldn't live at the
bottom, I'd be putting guns in my mouth twenty-four hours a day. That's Tyler
for you, can't live with him...

MARLA walks in. JACK turns off the TV.

JACK (V.O.)
I am Jack's painful erection.

ANGEL FACE walks in after MARLA. MARLA is wearing a burgundy dress. Her shoes
are both black but they don't match. ANGEL FACE is wearing the official black
shirt, pants, and boots of Project Mayhem.

ANGEL FACE
How's the jaw? Sir.

JACK (V.O.)
I obviously couldn't go to a hospital. One of the nameless members of Project
Mayhem was pre-med.

JACK moves his jaw to the left, causing a click to be heard.

JACK
It's fine.

MARLA begins undressing.

ANGEL FACE
It's a momentous day, sir.

JACK
Oh, and why's that?

ANGEL FACE
Earlier today, the first child was born into Project Mayhem.

JACK (V.O.)
I am Jack's portentous dread.

JACK
What do you mean?

ANGEL FACE
I was there, sir. You should have presided. A child was born today and taken
into Project Mayhem.

JACK (V.O.)
I am Jack's worst nightmare.

ANGEL FACE
Think of what we'll be able to do with space monkeys who were born that way,
raised on your ideals, sir.

JACK (V.O.)
An army of innocent children, brainwashed and marching against you.

ANGEL FACE
We named him Tyler, sir, the first human of the new era.

JACK (V.O.)
Project Durden, it was a cult now.

ANGEL FACE
The exploits of the demolition committee will seem like fables to him.

JACK (V.O.)
Maybe this was how all religions got started.

MARLA
Your weird little club will have to open a day care center.

JACK looks over at MARLA, she's naked.

JACK (V.O.)
Be sure to spay and neuter your humans.

JACK
You told her about this?

MARLA
Project Mayhem's not just a boy's club anymore.

ANGEL FACE takes off his shirt.

JACK (V.O.)
Equal opportunity self-destruction.

ANGEL FACE removes his shoes. MARLA crawls onto the bed. ANGEL FACE removes
his pants and joins her.

JACK
What are you doing?

MARLA
Until you can fuck me like a man I'm going to have to do something to get
my fix.

JACK pushes ANGEL FACE off the bed.

JACK
No, you are not fucking Marla.

MARLA pulls ANGEL FACE back onto the bed.

MARLA
You're retired. You can't tell him when to do.

MARLA grabs a condom from the table next to the bed. She holds ANGEL FACE'S
cock with one hand and massages his balls with the other.

MARLA
You can watch if you think it'll help you figure it out.

As ANGEL FACE gets hard MARLA slips the condom onto him.

JACK (V.O.)
I am Jack's jealous submission.

ANGEL FACE flips MARLA on her stomach and starts fucking her hard. He grips
her thighs tightly and pushes her back and forth in unison with his thrusts.

JACK (V.O.)
You didn't have to loose everything like Tyler said. You just had to think
it was everything. You can think you've lost everything, but you don't know
it till you've lost a whole lot more.

ANGEL FACE slaps MARLA on the ass. JACK gets up off the bed.

JACK (V.O.)
This was worse than Tyler and Marla fucking in the Paper Street house.
Marla's place was barely one room as it was.

ANGEL FACE reaches forward and scratches MARLA'S breast with his nails. He
squeezes it roughly and MARLA moans.

TYLER
Hey, Cuck Boy.

JACK looks over to see TYLER filming MARLA and ANGEL FACE fucking.

JACK
Shut up. Can't you fuck Marla, or at least get him off of her?

ANGEL FACE takes his cock out of MARLA'S pussy and starts fucking her ass.
MARLA screams.

TYLER
I kind of enjoy the show.

MARLA'S hands slip on the plastic covering the bed. Her head slams into the
headboard as ANGEL FACE continues thrusting. She tries to put her hands on
the bed again but ANGEL FACE grabs her hands and holds them behind her with
his left hand. With his right hand he grabs her hair and pulls her face off
the bed. MARLA screams mixing passion and pain.

TYLER
Woo! Remember that?

ANGEL FACE lets go of her arms and she grabs the headboard.

JACK
What, that? Is that what I did?

ANGEL FACE flips MARLA onto her back.

TYLER
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

He kneels on her breasts and starts fucking her mouth.

JACK
Where'd you get that camera?

ANGEL FACE grabs MARLA'S hair and pulls her face closer to him.

TYLER
I am Jack's camera.

JACK stands up, disgusted with the whole situation.

JACK
I'm getting my mind off this.

JACK looks around MARLA'S apartment. MARLA screams passionately and pounds
on the bed with her hand.

INT. MARLA'S ROOM. AFTERNOON.

MARLA walks in with some members of Project Mayhem.

JACK (V.O.)
This went on for days.

They take their clothes off and get into bed within seconds.

JACK (V.O.)
Marla became the resident slut of Project Mayhem.

The two guys put condoms on. One lies on the bed and MARLA sits on his cock.
The other stands and MARLA gives him a blowjob. JACK looks at the trashcan
in MARLA'S room. It's filled with used condoms.

JACK (V.O.)
I imagined the sperm of different men talking to each other at the bottom
of the trashcan. Making fun of the ones from condoms that broke, cause they
had a chance to escape but didn't. I felt like those sperm. I could be inside
Marla if I could do what I was supposed to.

Two more condoms land on the top of the pile. JACK looks over and sees the
two guys leaving.

MARLA
Just send in the next guys.

JACK (V.O.)
I am Jack's broken condom.

INT. MARLA'S ROOM. NIGHT.

JACK is watching MARLA give ANGEL FACE a blowjob. They are all naked.

JACK (V.O.)
Why wasn't I dead? I wanted to be. I knew I couldn't live like this. But I
was given just enough time to learn to live with my pain before I was given
more. When things get worse like that you start losing the initiative to do
anything about it.

MARLA sits up and takes the condom off of ANGEL FACE. She tosses it to JACK.

MARLA
Get rid of that for us. I'm starting a new one.

MARLA reaches for another condom.

JACK (V.O.)
I am Jack's hair-trigger breaking point.

JACK throws the used condom and it hits ANGEL FACE in the chest. JACK stands
up, enraged.

JACK
Get out of my apartment now.

ANGEL FACE stands.

MARLA
This is my apartment, you can't tell anyone to leave.

JACK
And you, I'm putting a stop to this now.

MARLA pulls ANGEL FACE to the bed.

MARLA
Stay.

JACK punches ANGEL FACE. He pushes MARLA off the bed.

MARLA
Well you're finally standing up for yourself. Is that you or Tyler?

JACK
It's me.

MARLA stands up and punches JACK in the face.

MARLA
I don't want you, I want Tyler.

MARLA kicks JACK in the balls and he falls to the floor.

MARLA
Why won't you hit me back?

JACK (V.O.)
I am JACK'S ignorant hesitation.

MARLA
Fight back, you loser. Maybe I should just have the next baby space monkey.

TYLER
Reject the basic premise of trust, especially the idea that you are not
being tested.

JACK sees TYLER walking around the room. MARLA steps on the side of JACK'S
face.

MARLA
Why won't you fight back?

She kicks him in the balls again and his face scrunches in pain.

JACK (V.O.)
Is this where we came in? Ok, now you're caught up.

JACK
I can't think of anything again.

MARLA
Did you have another flashback?

TYLER
If you can't figure out what you should do then just do what you want to.

JACK stands up.

JACK
Marla, I want you to really listen to me.

TYLER and MARLA speak in unison.

TYLER & MARLA
Why does this sound familiar?

JACK looks confused and angry.

JACK
Marla Durden.

JACK runs at MARLA and hits her in the face. She punches him in the stomach.
He twists her arm and pushes her facedown onto the bed. She kicks him in the
leg. He holds her head against the mattress and starts fucking her.

JACK
I am Jack's violent lust.

JACK twists MARLA so she's lying on the bed sideways. She tries to push him
off but he slaps her hand away and holds her arms to the bed. He pulls her
legs apart and continues fucking her. MARLA is screaming and moaning. JACK
puts his hand over her mouth and she bites his finger. MARLA'S arms and head
are hanging over the edge of the bed. JACK finishes fucking her and pushes
her off the bed. He lies faceup on the bed. MARLA kneels by the side of the
bed and kisses JACK.

MARLA
You're a better lay than my grandfather.

JACK
What? Is that what Tyler did that you liked so much?

MARLA
You weren't Tyler just now?

JACK
No, I don't think so.

MARLA reaches down and massages JACK'S balls.

MARLA
Maybe you're learning to take what you want without letting Tyler control
you.

JACK
Is that what it was always like with you and Tyler?

MARLA
Raping me was the most normal thing he ever did. But you'll remember the
rest soon enough. I'll just have to find more ways to make you remember.

MARLA gets back on top of JACK. The film slows down and advances one frame
at a time. The screen flickers for a second. One frame is a cartoon cat
dancing in a meadow. TYLER'S laugh is faintly heard. Then the film goes back
to JACK and MARLA.

FADE OUT:

THE END

    

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