PORNO TV: The Classic Pornographic Television Network Presents:
| ___ |
| THE |\/| _ _ | | _ |\/| _ _ _ |
| | |(_|| \_| | \_||(Z| | |(_)(_)| (Z SHOW |
| __| __| |
| |
| Original Material Copyright (C) 1995 All Rights Reserved |


The Mary Tyler Moore Show ran on CBS from 1970 to 1977, always on
Saturday nights.

Mary Richards was the idealized single career woman, coming to
Minneapolis after the breakup of a four-year relationship with a man (we never
saw him). She was ambitious, and looking for new friends. She moved into an
older apartment building, and found a job as assistant producer of WJM-TV news.

The writers at first wanted Mary to be a divorcee -- but the network
balked, afraid the viewers would think she was divorced from Dick Van Dyke.

The show marked the return to television for Gavin MacLeod, who had been
on PT-73 as Happy Haines in McHale's Navy, and who would return to the sea
later as the skipper of the Love Boat.

Ted Knight appeared as the lovable narcissist Ted Baxter, the anchorman
who had the habit of inserting his foot into his mouth.

Georgia Engle played Georgette, Valerie Harper was Rhoda, and Cloris
Leachman (who had earlier been Lassie's first tv "mother") was Phyllis.

Rhoda and Phyllis were both spun off as their own series. Harper went on
to make TV movies of the week, and Leachman went on to several memorable
performances, notably as Frau Blucher in Young Frankenstein. ("YES! He vas mine

The series has never been off television since, a tribute to the talent
that abounded in the show.

The events in this story take place approximately 1974, before Rhoda and
Phyllis' series were spun off.


Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day
and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
Well, it's you, girl, and you sure know it,
With each glance and every little movement you show it.

Love is all around, no need to waste it,
Love is all around, no need to fake it,
You're gonna make it, after all.

(toss your hat, Mary!)


THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW: "Ted Needs a Definition"

Mary Richards stretched, yawned, and moaned. She sat up in her bed, her
bright red silk nightie clinging to her body. She looked over at the alarm
clock, just as it went off.

She reached over and turned it off, smiling to herself.

Sliding to the side of the bed, she put her feet into slippers and stood
up. She picked up her robe from the chair, and slipped into it. She folded her
blanket, picked up her pillows and put them in the closet, then folded the
sofa-bed up and replaced the cushions.

She walked across the room to her kitchenette and started a pot of
coffee, then around the corner to the bathroom.

She turned on the water in the shower, and while she was waiting for the
water to run hot, she sat on the toilet for her morning "business", humming
"Oh, What A Beautiful Morning."

Her business finished, she stripped off her robe and nightie, and stepped
into the hot shower. She soaped herself down, her hands rubbing down her full,
pert breasts, and lower, soaping her pubic hair, while fingering her clit...
just a little... mmmm... just a little more....

"Oh, my..." she thought, "I mustn't... I'll be late for work."

She rinsed off, and reached for a towel from the rack. She dried off and
stepped out of the shower, and redonned the robe.

She selected her wardrobe for the day, a sharp miniskirt, cute little
blouse, and ...yes, this circle pin with matching earrings. She dropped her
robe on the floor, and reached for her bra and panties, catching a glimpse of
her nude body in the full-length mirror. She straightened, admiring the image:
full breasts, with tan nipples, not a hint of sag in them. The dark pubic hair
below, unshaved because it was winter, and not a bikini in sight. She turned,
and looked at her firm backside; no sag there, either.

"What a shame to waste clothing on a body like this," she thought.

She decided not to wear the bra.


Mary drove into the parking garage in the building that housed the
studios of WJM-TV, parked it in the space marked "M. Richards:NEWS". She took
the elevator up to her office, which was still dark.

She turned on the lights, started a pot of coffee, and sat down at her
desk. She turned the pages of her newspaper, looking at the headlines before
turning to the comics page.

Murray Slaughter, the news writer, pushed the door open. Mary quickly
opened the newspaper to the editorial page.

"Good morning, Mary," Murray smiled.

"Good morning, Murr," she replied.

Murray went over to the wire-copy terminal and pulled off a sheet of
paper, scanning through it. "Oh," he said, "looks like they have a lead on that
lesbian murder case. Looks like it could be our top story tonight."

Mary looked up. "I don't think we can use that word on the news, Murr."

Murray smiled. "Lesbian? Why? You think our audience would be offended?"

"No," Mary shook her head. "I don't think Ted can pronounce it."

Lou Grant stormed though the door, and stomped toward his office.

"Morning, Lou," Murray said.

"Good Morning, Mr. Grant," Mary added.

"Mmmmnnnngggg" Lou grunted, and closed his office door behind him.

Mary and Murray looked at each other. Mary got up and tapped on Lou's

"Mr. Grant?"


She opened the door. Lou was behind his desk, his bourbon bottle in hand,
his coffee cup in the other.

"Isn't it a little early for that?"

"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" Lou growled, but softly. "Come in, Mary,
and close the door."

Lou leaned back in his chair. "Have a seat, Mary."

Mary sat in the chair, and crossed her legs.

Lou paused a moment, then sighed heavily. "You know that I've got
problems with Edie."

Mary nodded. She knew they were separated. Lou had made that announcement
some time ago.

Lou sighed again. "Do you have any idea how long it has been since..." He
paused. He leaned forward in his chair, and lowered his voice. "...since Edie
and I had marital relations?"

Mary blushed. "I have no idea."

"Two years, and let me tell you, it's been hard."

"I'll bet it is," Mary thought. "I'll bet it's really hard. And long,

Lou leaned back in his chair again.

"Is there anything I can do?" Mary asked.

"Seriously?" Lou scowled.

"Seriously. Can I help?"

Lou paused a moment again, then leaned forward.

"What would you say to a little blow job?"

"Hello, little blow job," Mary grinned, then she wiped the grin from her
face. "Sorry, old joke. Would that REALLY help? Would that improve your general

Lou nodded. "But I'm way out in left field asking this of you. This is
not in your job description, and ..."

Mary got up and walked around Lou's desk. She put her finger on his lips,
silencing him.

"It would be my pleasure, Mr. Grant."

She swiveled his chair around, and knelt down in front of it. She reached
up and unzipped Lou's trousers. He was wearing boxer shorts under his trousers.
She reached inside, and released his penis. She was right; it was hard -- and

It was of medium diameter, not very wide, but its head was large and
purple, the pisshole in its tip oozing a drop of precum.

She bent forward, and drew her tongue around the tip of his cock, licking
off the precum, before drawing it between her lips.

She sucked gently as she pushed her lips farther down his shaft, until
the tip of his cock bumped the back of her mouth. She held this position, her
tongue moving back and forth across the underside of his cock.

Lou moaned, softly, and Mary took him deeper, holding her breath as she
pushed her head forward, allowing his cockhead to enter her throat.

She held him there as long as she could, but she had to breathe. She
released his cock back into her mouth, and swirled her tongue around his

There was a tap at the door. "Lou?" Murray's voice from outside the door
said, "Are you in there?"

Mary slid around and under Lou's desk. Lou scooted his chair up, and Mary
resumed her attention to his tool.

"Yeah," Lou said, roughly.

Murray opened the door and looked inside. "I thought I saw Mary come in

Lou shook his head.

"But I could have sworn..." He glanced down, and saw one foot sticking
out from under the front of the desk.

He entered the office, and closed the door behind him, pressing the lock.

"Lou, you're smiling," he said.

"I am not," Lou moaned.

"Yes, you are, and I think I know why." He stepped around Lou's desk,
knelt down and peeked under the chair. "Hi, Mary!"

"Hi, Murr," came Mary's muffled voice from under the desk.

Lou moaned again, and he spurted, the thick globs of semen spashing
against the back of her throat. Lou fell back in the chair, his cock softening
in Mary's mouth, as she sucked the last drops of his semen from it. She
swallowed, enjoying the slippery feel of it going down her throat.

Lou pushed his chair back, and Mary crawled out. As she straightened her
clothing, she said, "Will there be anything else, Mr. Grant?"

Lou looked up at Murray. "Are you still here?"

"Yes, Lou."

"And what is it you want?"

Murray looked at Mary. "Well, I could tell Ted that you just got head
from Mary, or I could tell Sue Ann Nivens that you just got head from Mary,

"Or?" Lou frowned.

"Or, I could ask Mary to bend over the desk and let me plow her field."

Lou frowned.

Mary turned and looked at Murray, and nodded.

She unzipped her miniskirt and dropped it to the floor, and followed it
with her pantyhose and panties. She leaned over, putting her elbows on the
desk, presenting her ass to Murray.

Murray moved up behind her, unzipped his trousers, and let out his penis,
engorged and ready. He placed it at the entrance to her pussy, then placed his
hands on her hips.

He moved forward, and his cockhead parted her nether lips. Mary gasped,
as he entered her, "Ohmigosh, Murry, you're so BIG!"

"It's not just a tool, Mary," Murray said, grinning. "Its a luuuuuve

He had his cock fully inside her now, and he began to make small, quick
strokes, moving just his hips as he held hers. Mary began to hum, softly.

Lou sat back in his chair, enjoying the show.

Mary pushed herself up on her hands, pushing back against Murray's
increasingly strong strokes, until he grunted, and she felt him push deep
inside her, depositing his semen at the her cervix.

Murray withdrew, slowly, and Mary turned to give him a quick kiss on the

She was somewhat disappointed that she had not climaxed; but there was
time for that later...

Murray put his cock back in his pants, and slipped out the door.

Mary plucked a tissue from Lou's desk, and wiped herself off, and pulled
her clothing back on while Lou watched, interestedly.

"Will there be anything else, Mr. Grant?"

"Not just now, Mary," he said, smiling. "Perhaps later."


Ted Baxter strolled into the newsroom, smiling broadly, as usual.

"Hi, Guys!"

"Hi, Ted." Murray and Mary chimed together.

"Murray, I was reading this news copy you gave me."

"Amazing," Murray said, "he's reading it before he gets on the air."

It went right over Ted's head. "What's this word here?"

Murray looked at the script. "Lesbian," he said.

"Lesbian. Is that like ... actors? Shouldn't we use 'actors' instead?"

"No, Ted, you're thinking of 'thespian'," Mary said.

"Oh... then what's a lesbian?"

Mary and Murray exchanged glances. Murray said, "Ted, I'll have to
explain that to you later. Just read it like it's written."

Ted walked out. Mary and Murry broke up into laughter.


The "ON THE AIR" sign came on. Ted launched into his delivery voice.

"Today in Minneapolis, police announced they had definite leads into the
Lesbian murder case. Lesbians, by the way, are not actors..."

Back in the newsroom, Murray moaned, Mary laughed, and Lou headed quickly
for the studio.


Home again, Mary sat down in her chair and picked up a book. She read
quietly, her mind torn between the words on the page, and the events this
morning in the office.

She set the book down, as memories of Lou Grant's cock in her mouth
flooded her. Her hand went to her groin, cupping her genitals, her middle
finger pressing against her clit through her clothing.

She couldn't resist any more. She stood up, and dropped her skirt to the
floor. She sat down again, slipping a hand into her panties. Her fingertip
sought her clit, and she rolled it over with her finger, her eyes closed, lying
back in the chair.

The door opened quickly, and Rhoda said "Hi, Mary!"

Mary jumped up, startled.

Rhoda looked at her, standing in her panties. "Oh, I'm sorry, Mary...
I'll come back later..."

"No..." Mary said, hesitantly. "Don't go..."

Rhoda looked at her seriously for a moment, then closed the door behind
her. She stepped over to Mary.

"Rhoda..." Mary said, softly.

"Don't talk," Rhoda said, equally softly. She pushed Mary back into the
chair, and knelt down in front of it. She pushed the crotch of Mary's panties
to one side, and slipped a finger down Mary's distended cuntlips.

Mary moaned, pushing herself against Rhoda's hands.

Rhoda leaned forward, and extended her tongue, tracing where her
fingertips had just been. Her tongue slid up into Mary's pussy, eliciting
another moan of pleasure from her.

She moved up, her tongue tracing over the slippery skin to Mary's
distended clit, which was warm and throbbing. Rhoda fastened her lips around
it, sucking gently, flicking the tip of her tongue against Mary's clit.

Mary began to quiver, bucking her hips into Rhoda's mouth, as Rhoda
pressed her tongue against Mary's clit, slipping a finger deep into Mary's

Mary came, her body shaking furiously. She slid off the chair into
Rhoda's lap, her lips seeking Rhoda's, their tongues dancing with each other.

"Oh, Rhoda," she breathed, finally breaking the kiss, "thank you... I
really needed the release."

"My pleasure," Rhoda said, smiling. "And speaking of my pleasure, I
believe it's my turn."

Mary began to unbutton Rhoda's blouse. She slipped it back over her
shoulders, and Rhoda dropped her arms from around Mary's body long enough to
let it slide off. Mary reached behind Rhoda's back, and unhooked her bra. Rhoda
shrugged out of it as Mary reached for her breasts.

Mary kissed Rhoda's lips passionately, as her thumbs rolled over her
dark-brown nipples, aroused and hard.

Rhoda lay back on the floor, Mary was straddling her body, resting on her
knees, her pussy pressed against Rhoda's abdomen. Mary massaged Rhoda's
breasts, watching her aerola pucker, the nipples trying to extend further.

Mary pulled off her blouse, her own breasts unfettered by bra. Rhoda
reached up and stroked Mary's tan nipples, pinching them between her
fingertips. Mary rolled off of Rhoda's body, and Rhoda hooked her thumbs under
the waistband of her skirt, and pushed her skirt and panties down. She kicked
them off her feet.

Mary turned around, and put her head into the 'v' formed by Rhoda's
parted thighs and lifted knees. For one moment, she breathed the musky scent of
Rhoda's love-box, then put her lips against Rhoda's lower ones.

Rhoda sighed, and reached for Mary's hips. She slid Mary's panties down
her thighs. Mary lifted each knee in turn, allowing Rhoda to remove the
panties. She then allowed Rhoda to guide her hips over Rhoda's head, straddling
her face.

Mary's tongue caressed Rhoda's clit, causing spasms of pleasure to ripple
through Rhoda's groin, radiating out to the farthest reaches of her body.

Mary used her fingertips of one hand to open Rhoda's pussy, before using
the fingers of the other hand to probe, deeper and deeper until she had four
fingers buried deep into Rhoda's love-tunnel.

Rhoda gasped, then bent her head upward, grazing Mary's clit with her
tongue. Mary pressed harder, sucking Rhoda's clit between her lips, her fingers
working frantically in her cunt, until Rhoda gasped, her body quivering.

Rhoda's head fell back to the floor as she arched her back, squeezing
Mary's fingers with her vaginal muscles, the contractions of her cunt shaking
her violently.

They were so engrossed in their activity, they did not hear the door

"Mary? Rhoda? Are you here?"

It was Phyllis' voice. Since Rhoda and Mary were in the sunken part of
the living room, and a chair was between them and the door, Phyllis could not
see them.

Phyllis stepped further into the room, spotted the two women on the
floor, and gasped.

"Phyllis!" Mary said, raising her head from between Rhoda's thighs.

"Mary! Rhoda! I'm shocked!" Phyllis said, her hand over her mouth.

"I'm sorry you're shocked, Phyllis," Mary said, "but the door was

"You don't understand, Mary," Phyllis said, lowering her hand, revealing
a broad grin. "I'm shocked you didn't invite me."


Murray had tried to explain lesbianism to Ted, but much of it had gone
over the anchorman's precicely-trimmed head.

Ted was in Georgette's apartment, sitting on the sofa. Georgette was in
the kitchenette, putting the dirty dishes in her dishwasher.

"Georgette, do you know what a lesbian is?"

Georgette nearly dropped the dish she was holding. Composing herself
rapidly, she said, "Yes, Ted. Why?"

"Well, Murray tried to explain it to me, but I couldn't figure out what
he was talking about. Then I asked Mary, and she told me to ask Lou. Lou told
me to look it up in the dictionary."

"So?" Georgette asked, coming out of the kitchenette. "What did the
dictionary say?"

"That's too much trouble. I'm asking you."

"Well, let me think about how to explain it to you. Will you excuse me? I
need to make a telephone call."

Ted nodded, and turned on the television. "Hey, it's the Brady Bunch! I
just adore Marsha..."

Georgette smiled, and went to her bedroom to make her call.


Phyllis undressed quickly, and Mary and Rhoda got up to help. Revealing
her blonde pubic hair by pulling off Phyllis' stylish slacks, Rhoda explored
with her fingers until she had a finger inside Phyllis' vagina.

Mary kissed Phyllis' lips, while her fingers roamed over her pink-nippled
breasts, the nipples rapidly rising to their full stature.

The trio moved slowly to the floor, Rhoda burying her face in Phyllis'
cunt, and Mary's hungry mouth moving over her breasts, tickling her nipples
with the tip of her tongue.

Rhoda quickly had three fingers inside Phyllis, her fingers searching for
the tender spot on the inside of her pussy, while her tongue slid over her
diminutive clit.

As Mary moved from one breast to the other, the telephone rang.

Mary groaned, and crawled over to the telephone.

"Hello. Uh-huh. Uh-huh."

Phyllis reached over and caressed Mary's buttocks. Mary leaned forward
and pushed her ass back, putting her ass within Phyllis' easier reach, and also
opening the cleft between her asscheeks. Phyllis' finger found the pink pucker
of her anus and tickled it.

"Yes. By all means. Sure... Bye." She hung up the phone. "That was
Georgette," she said, pushing her ass back against Phyllis' hand. "She's coming
over, and she's bringing Ted."

Phyllis asked, "Why?... Couldn't you have put it off?"

"She said he needed a lesson on the word 'lesbian'," Mary grinned.

"But we're not lesbians," Phyllis moaned. "Are we?"

"Close enough for a demonstration," Mary gasped, "Now, what are you going
to do with that finger, Phyllis?"

Phyllis demonstrated, as Mary gave a moan of pleasure.


"But why do we have to go to Mary's for you to define a word?" Ted asked,
plaintively. "Can't we just stay at your house and cuddle?"

"No," Georgette said, "You wanted to learn, and now you will."

Georgette knocked at Mary's door, while Ted fidgeted. The door opened,
and Mary, in a bathrobe, appeared.

"Look," said Ted, "she's getting ready to go to bed... Let's go,

"Come in," said Mary.

Ted shuffled in, dejectedly. Mary directed him to a wooden chair with
arms. Ted looked around, and noticed that Rhoda and Phyllis were also in
bathrobes, sitting on Mary's sofa. Georgette had disappeared.

Mary stepped up behind Ted's chair, her hands behind her back.

"So Ted, you want to know about lesbians," she smiled.

"I just need a definition..." Ted said, uncomfortably.

"We have a better idea," Mary smiled at him. "How about a demonstration?"

"A what?"

"Just relax." Mary brought her hands forward. They held a roll of duct

"What's that for?" asked Ted, nervously.

"Just so that you get the view, with no interference." She taped Ted's
hands to the arms of his chair, and his feet to the legs of the chair.

"All ready," Mary called.

Phyllis and Rhoda stood, and dropped their robes, under which they were
naked. They began to embrace.

Georgette emerged from the bathroom, and she too was naked. She stepped
over to Mary, who dropped her robe.

"" gasped Ted.

Phyllis and Rhoda dropped to the floor, and moved into a sixty-nine
position. They dove into each other's pussies, slurping and sucking for sound

Mary led Georgette around to the sofa. Georgette sat on the edge of the
couch and leaned back. Mary crouched down between Georgette's legs, and raised
her knees.

Georgette's platinum-blonde pubic hair flashed just before Mary's head
moved forward to place her lips against her pink cuntlips.

Mary's ass was pointed toward Ted, and he had an excellent view of both
her pussy and asshole. He began to strain against the tape, but Mary had done
her job well; he could not break the tape.

Rhoda and Phyllis almost forgot they were putting on a show; they became
deeply engrossed in their sixty-nine, and the sound-effect slurping and sucking
noises gave way to heartfelt moans of pleasure.

Georgette was starting to croon, a squeaky, high-pitched "ooooooh" with
each stroke of Mary's tongue.

Ted was drooling, his mouth hanging open limply, his eyes seemingly out
on stalks.

Mary, conscious of his view of her rear, 'winked' her asshole at him; she
heard him moan, and the chair behind her started to shake.

Mary slipped a finger into Georgette's pussy; Georgette threw her head
back, her body quivering with the onset of her orgasm.

"Ooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeee!" she screamed, as the contractions overtook her.
"Eeee! Ah! Ah! Ah!" Her back arched, pushing Mary back on her haunches.

Mary sat back, watching Georgette writhe on the sofa.

As Georgette's contractions slowed, her eyes opened slowly. "Oh, gosh,
Mary... I didn't know it could be soooo..." She closed her eyes again and

Mary gently caressed Georgette's breasts, the nipples stiff and hard.
Georgette opened her eyes again. She sat up and leaned forward, kissing Mary's

As they kissed, Mary and Georgette exchanged places, Mary taking a seat
on the edge of the sofa. She lifted her knees, placing her feet under the edge
of the cushions. Georgette slid down and applied her lips to Mary's clit.

Once again, Ted was given a view of ass and pussy.

Phyllis and Rhoda had lost all reference to anyone around them; they were
lost in each other, rolling in orgasmic passion.

Mary watched Ted's face as Georgette sucked on her clit. She could see
the lust building in his face, as he stared into Georgette's open rear end.

Georgette slipped one finger, then two into Mary's pussy, sliding them in
and out as she continued to lick Mary's clit. Mary lay her head back, closed
her eyes, and let Georgette push her closer to orgasm.

Ted strained against the tape again, watching Georgette's dripping pussy
in front of him. Frustrated, be began to rock the wooden chair; and it began to
tip up on the two front legs.

Mary felt the familiar warmth begin to spread through her groin, the
vibrations beginning deep in her cunt, spreading like ripples through her
body... and ... YES! her orgasm swept through her, making her body quiver with

Ted's chair fell forward, just missing Georgette's feet.

Georgette turned around quickly; Mary slid back on the sofa, enjoying the
waves of her orgasm.

"Ted!" Georgette shouted, and pushed the chair over on its side.

Ted looked up at her, a glazed look in his eyes. Georgette unwrapped the
tape around Ted's hand. As soon as it was free, he reached for her breast.

Georgette dodged, and started untaping his feet. Ted untaped his other
hand, and lunged for Georgette.

Again she dodged, giggling.

Ted began tearing at his clothing, pulling off his shirt without
unbuttoning it, the buttons popped off, flying across the room. He kicked out
of his trousers, his smallish erection bouncing as he lunged again for

This time, she didn't move. Ted pushed her to the floor, nuzzling at her
neck with his hands at her breasts.

She wrapped her legs around his hips, and he entered her, frantically
pumping his hips.

He grunted, his back arching, his teeth grinding together, as he
climaxed. He rolled over, and started to sob.

Mary sat up, watching Georgette cuddling up to the sobbing Ted. Her
attention then was drawn to Phyllis and Rhoda, who were cuddling on the floor
on the other side of the room.

She sat back on the sofa, smiling, as she thought, "...and who says I
don't give good parties?"


Love is all around, no need to waste it,
Love is all around, no need to fake it,
You're gonna make it, after all.


public praise: email: [email protected]


Back 1 page

Submit stories to: [email protected](dot)com
with the title heading "TSSA Story Submission"