Star Trek - Voyager:
The Secret Logs Of Mistress Janeway Part 16 - Compare And Contrast (FF,BDSM)
by Mistress Nova

Captain's Personal Log:

I really hate anomalies, I thought. Especially when time paradoxes are
involved. I could hear the voices, but couldn't see them. I couldn't move.

"She is fine physically, Commander," the Doctor said. "I expect her to awaken
anytime now."

"There are no side effects from her experience?" Chakotay said. I felt him
close to me willing me to wake.

"There shouldn't be any," the Doctor said. "Though she bears scarring from
quite a physical adventure. Very surprising from the Captain."

There was so much to tell Chakotay, but that had to wait until I made sense
of it all. A weight lifted from my mind.

I opened my eyes. Chakotay was gazing at me with relief. "I'm alright," I
said. My voice was creaky.

"What happened to you?"

"I need to talk to you alone," I said. "Forgive me, Doctor."

"Think nothing of it, I might be a spy," he replied. "I'll be in the lab.
Call when I have clearance."

"What is it, Kathryn?" He asked quietly.

I tried to sit up, but my head felt like lead. "I must talk to Barrows."

"What?! Now?!"

"It's important, Chakotay. Really important." I said I tried to sit up once
more then nearly fainted. Chakotay held me.

"You have to rest. You've been through a tremendous shock."

"I need to tell her..."

"Make her a log, Kathryn," he said. "I have to debrief you anyway." There
was a wicked glint in his eyes. He smiled a small smile. "We'll make two

"You just want to know," I said. "You're such a kinky bastard about my logs."

"Do you have a choice?" He was smiling.

I was propped up on the bed. Chakotay set up a recorder then sat along side
me. I watched him silently drinking up his image while wanting to touch him.

"Tell me what happened, Kathryn," he said gently.

I took a deep breath. "Torres called me late... how long have I been gone?"

"Four days," he replied.

"Late four days ago," I said with a weak smile. "She had been building a
device based on information Voyager downloaded from Starling's lab on Earth.
Lieutenant Torres had hoped to eventually use the device to enhance Voyager's
performance and get us back faster," I said "She was excited about her data
and wanted to share it with me immediately."

I was in civilian clothes. I had been planning a session with Kim. But her
call stopped me just after I put on the choker that Barrows gave me when I
graduated from her teaching.

The data was exciting, so I wanted to see the device. Torres and I went to
the lab off Engineering to run another test. We activated the device. There
was a bright flash. The next thing I knew, I was no longer in Engineering. I
was in a darkened room that looked totally unfamiliar, and I was naked,
except for my jewelry.

As my eyes adjusted, I realized I was in an officer's quarters, Constitution
class. The first thing I did was stumble over a chair and awaken the man
sleeping on the bunk. The lights went on, and I found myself face to face
with Captain Christopher Pike of the Enterprise.

Chakotay's eyes were the size of saucers.

He was startled, to say the least. The Captain pulled a phaser on me.

"I'm unarmed," I said with as little irony as possible raising my hands.

"Who are you?"

My hands went back to my hips. "Kathryn Janeway," I said quickly. "I am from
over one hundred years in the future."

He paused. I watched his very handsome face as he worked through the
possibilities. His face was strong and sensual. The eyes were an amazing
blue. They were clear, astute, fair. My mind was appraising his physique
when he lowered the phaser and got out of bed.

"Kathryn Janeway," he said quietly. He held out a robe. "We can get you
clothing in Sickbay."

"Thank you, Captain Pike," I replied. He was surprised and perhaps pleased at
the recognition.

"Let me take you to Sickbay," Pike said. I sensed a strength and gentleness
in him that was extremely compelling. He took my arm and led me through the
corridors of the legendary Enterprise. It was surreal and exhilarating. I
nearly got whiplash trying to see every detail possible as I hurried along
in bare feet along the cool floor.

I was provided with a smock, slacks and slippers while Dr. Boyce ran an
exhaustive physical profile. It was in the midst of all of this that I first
met Mr. Spock.

* * *

"You met Spock?"

"We spent a lot of time together during this little trip," I said wryly. "He
reminded me very much of Tuvok during his first tour with me... ill at ease,
rigid, judgmental," I said.

"Tuvok is a real barrel of laughs, now," Chakotay said.

"Compared to what he was, yes," I said. "Spock did not believe my story. To
be fair, I couldn't really tell them in detail what had happened. The
technology involved was 400 years ahead of theirs."

Fortunately, Dr. Boyce was able to tell them a lot from my physical readings.
Along with physiological changes that indicated a century of human evolution,
and advanced dental treatment, I was immersed in chroniton particles. That
was enough for me to become an interesting puzzle rather than a threat for
Spock. He set about finding a way for me to get back to Voyager.

Meanwhile, Captain Pike asked me to dinner.

"Put down that eyebrow, Commander," I said. "It was primitive replicator fare
in the Captain's less than sumptuous cabin."

"What did you talk about?"

I couldn't talk about myself, but I asked a lot about his early career
carefully avoiding what may have been sensitive at that moment. He was warm
and witty animating what was history to me. I drank up his insights and
observations. On an impulse, I asked Pike about the loneliness of command.
He admitted that it was hard being isolated for such long periods of time.
He also said that he was aware that crewmen had relationships on board and
he couldn't blame them.

"I can't believe that you haven't had any offers," I said.

"You can believe I've accepted a few," he replied. "And I've had some amazing
temptations, like beautiful women appearing naked in my cabin."

"Thank you," I replied.

"No, thank you," he smiled. "In the end, my ship pulled me back. Besides, it
isn't like the journey is infinite."

* * *

Chakotay smiled at me ruefully. I sighed. "The conversation depressed me."

"I envy him," Chakotay said. "There is nothing more flattering to a man than
a woman riveted on his every word."

I smiled at him. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Go on."

We had a charming evening, then he showed me to my quarters where I slept
very deeply. It was like lapsing into a coma.

* * *

"I felt the same way waking there as I did here."

"It was the shock of time travel," Chakotay said.

When I awoke, Dr. Boyce was there. He told me I was out for over 24 hours. He
called for Pike and Spock. While we waited, I asked him about command stress
and loneliness. Boyce said that for individuals like Pike who hold themselves
to a higher standard than anyone would think prudent, it can be difficult --
even damaging emotionally. More depressing news.

Spock believed he had an answer which involved modifying the transporter. He
felt he could create a matrix which would match my chroniton readings. I was
a little anxious about using a transporter, but this was Spock. I had to risk

* * *

"But that is only about 36 hours into your disappearance," Chakotay said.
"What happened?"

"I woke up in a storage closet. From the uniforms, I could tell that I was
in the same era, maybe a few years later," I said. "If I was on the same

"You would be on Kirk's Enterprise," Chakotay said.

"Exactly," I replied.

I put on one of the female uniforms... a classic red dress with the matching
panties and the knee high black boots... Ah, I don't know why they got rid of
those uniforms. They were gorgeous. But I digress.

I wandered the corridors for a while noting how the ship was retrofitted. My
plan was to find Mr. Spock, but he ran across me first.

"You've returned," he said. "I had been doubtful that my solution was
entirely successful."

"Back to Sickbay?" I offered.

"That would be best," he said. I fell in alongside him. "I'll brief Captain
Kirk then get back to work on the problem."

* * *

"Doctor McCoy was a real Southern charmer," I said with a smile. "Even under
those bizarre circumstances, I felt completely at ease with him. He even made
me laugh -- a great belly laugh. Which is how I was when Captain Kirk entered
the room."

"That must have been an impressive sight," Chakotay said. "All legs in that
outfit laughing."

"I don't know about that, but he was startled. I like to think he was
pleased. The famous Kirk appraisal was neutral as Dr. McCoy and I settled

"Captain, may I present Kathryn Janeway," Spock said. "Kathryn Janeway,
Captain Kirk."

"It is a pleasure, Captain," I said.

"You're having quite an adventure Miss Janeway," Kirk said.

"You don't know the half of it, sir," I replied.

"Bones, how is our guest?"

"She is fine... really fine," McCoy replied.

"I think he meant medically, Doctor," Spock said.

"Miss Janeway is 100% human in excellent health and perfect physical
conditioning. The readings are consistent with a century of human evolution.
The dental work is well advanced of anything known today. The only
abnormality is an unusual energy readings from her tissues."

Spock looked at the readings. "They are consistent with Dr. Boyce's

"Have I passed muster yet?" I asked. It was interesting how Pike was willing
to accept my situation at face value. I reasoned that Kirk had seen more that
would make him cynical.

"Perhaps," he said. "Spock, did you run scans after she disappeared?"

"Naturally. No systems had been tampered with. Nothing had been downloaded.
Miss Janeway made no effort to interact with any personnel other than Captain
Pike, Dr. Boyce and myself. And although Captain Pike's logs were not in
detail, their conversations were of a personal nature dealing with command
stress. The same is noted with Dr. Boyce," Spock said.

"Command stress," Kirk said. "You didn't look at our systems because you've
seen them or ones like them before."

I shrugged at him.

"Her conditioning is consistent with high level military training," McCoy

"And since you are human, you must be Starfleet," Kirk said. There was a
challenge in his eyes.

"You know that I can't answer that," I replied.

"Her demeanor and her concerns indicate command," Spock said.

"You just won't give up?" I laughed.

"They just like to know who they're talking to," McCoy said, "Captain

"Call me Kathryn. What now?" I replied.

"I will look at the data from both occurrences and try to determine a way to
send you back where you belong," Spock said. "I should have preliminary
findings in a few hours."

"We'll have a briefing then," Kirk said. "In the meantime, you should rest."

"If you don't mind my company," McCoy said.

"How can I resist?" I replied.

"That's what they all say, right Jim?"

Spock rolled his eyes. Kirk smiled then shook his head. I noticed that Spock
had mellowed considerably under Kirk's command. I wondered if the rumors
about them were true.

"Get some rest, Kathryn. We'll talk later," Kirk said. "Bones, you behave

* * *

I paused once more. Chakotay got me another drink of water.

"Did he behave?"

"Of course," I replied. "He was gentle and warm. He seemed to sense my
growing apprehension."

"Don't you worry," McCoy said "I'll deny it if you tell him, but there isn't
anyone I'd trust more than Spock to get you home."

"Thank you," I said.

"Why don't you ask me the question you had for Captain Pike and Dr. Boyce?"

"I'm afraid that isn't a cheery topic either," I replied.

"Tell the old Doctor your troubles, Little Lady." he said.

"There aren't many people that could get away with calling me that," I

"It's the accent," he replied. "Fire away."

"I was asking about the loneliness of command in deep space," I

"If we're gonna talk about this, we should have some bourbon,"
McCoy smiled.

We did. From what I can recall of his answer, he said that for those who are
wedded to their careers, the occasional dalliance would suffice. But for
those with any inclinations toward serious relationships, prolong isolation
is difficult and potentially unhealthy.

* * *

"Aren't you going to say anything?" I asked. Chakotay was looking at me with
such tenderness I wanted to scream at him.

"What happened next?" He asked quietly.

I fell asleep. I am not used to real hard liquor. It only took one drink.
McCoy woke me ten hours later for the briefing.

McCoy escorted me to the Briefing Room. Kirk and Spock were there. So was
Captain Sulu then a young, cute lieutenant. The darling thing was so earnest
and eager in waiting to give his report. So ready to please. But I digress.
Then there was an incredibly beautiful woman who entered after me, that had
to be Uhura. Her incredible figure nearly made me forget why I was there. My
mind wandered to the possibilities for her as she walked by. The ass was an
obvious choice. It was so rounded and firm. My paddle would have an impact
but would bounce back nicely. Then, there were the insides of her muscular
thighs. The clit whip would work there. I wondered at how big her nipples
were. Those breasts were certainly sumptuous. I would use nipple weights to
be sure. Then I might have a ready young stud tit fuck her. Perhaps, Mr.
Sulu... The possibilities were mind boggling.

"This is our reluctant guest, Kathryn Janeway," Kirk said. "She is a fine
example of our future. As such, she cannot answer any questions except for
her experience during this phenomenon."

"I'm afraid I can answer very little of those questions either," I said. "I
hate to be difficult..."

"Understood," Spock said. "Let's begin with what we have ascertained thus
far. The subject was brought back through time after exposure to a device
based on advanced warp drive technology."

I looked up at Spock.

"The energy readings were chrontions and a warp signature," Spock explained.
"The actual phenomenon is simple to recreate, but why you were drawn into it
and kept in it, I have not determined."

"Mr. Sulu," Kirk said.

"Since we now have two incidences, we can study the variables and extrapolate
possible solutions," he said. "We could find the element that keeps her

"Then maybe we should get out of your way," Kirk said.

"I'm sorry I can't be of more help," I said.

"We understand Kathryn," Kirk said. "Allow me to take you to dinner."

"I would be honored."

"Before you go," Uhura said. "I must know where you got that choker."

My hand went to my throat. I had forgotten it completely.

"It was a gift, but it's very old. I believe there are places to get it now,"
I said. "I'll let you know before I go back."

"Thank you."

I followed Kirk out of the room.

"If we do not succeed..."

"I must be taken to Starfleet Intelligence," I replied. "But I must get back
to my crew. You can understand that."

"Yes, I do," Kirk replied. "We will do our best, Captain."

"I know."

We had dinner in Kirk's quarters. The table was elegant the setting was
intimate. The meal was basic, but I enjoyed it because the fare was

"You were hungry," Kirk said.

"Real eggs," I replied stuffing my face. "I haven't had them in so long."

"Why?" He asked. The voice was soft but potent.

I gazed at him then shrugged.

"What will we talk about?" He sighed.

"What we have in common: stress, bureaucracy, boredom," I replied. "I can say
that it is a singular honor and a pleasure to actually meet you and your

"But you can't tell me why."

"No, I can't change what you're to do," I replied. "But you're going to be

He smiled. And he was gorgeous. His eyes were intense, knowing, appraising.
My stomach fluttered. He knew it.

"Talk to me about command, Captain," he said.

"It's solitary," I said. "I have a first officer who is close enough to
me that we nearly share heart beats, but ultimately, I am alone with my
decisions and mistakes and their lives where no one can help us."

I will value until the day I die the look of empathy he gave me when I
finished. His eyes mirrored my pain and uncertainty and even loneliness. I
was moved.

"I look for someone to blot out the pain," he said.

I considered that. "But I yearn for someone to share the burden, but that's
not possible. It doesn't come with the job."

"Sometimes moments can pull you through the rough times," he said. I could
feel the heat emanating from him.

"But what if the moments need to last a lifetime?" I asked.

He was intrigued and undeterred. Maybe a century of sexual advances was
stoking him.

"Take the moments, Kathryn. They will sustain you for as long as you need,"
he said.

"How could they?" I returned. "There isn't time to learn how to really please
or give pleasure. How can you even know how to hold someone in a moment...
How to breathe with your partner let alone bring them to ecstasy."

I was working his nerves and hadn't intended to.

"I can prove what I say is true," he said softly.

I considered that as well, there was a raw animal energy in him that I
appreciated, but not enough for a single encounter. He was not like Picard
with whom I felt an emotional -- almost metaphysical attraction. Picard had
needed healing. Kirk wanted a fuck from the future. He needed training before
he could satisfy me. That arrogance would have to be tamed. I very much
wanted to hear Kirk beg me.

"I'm sure you think you can, Captain," I replied.

"Come now, it can't be that different from now," he said with a smile. "The
anatomy is the same."

I smiled at that. "My appetites are a bit unusual even in my own time. The
requirements are very strict."


I smiled at him. "Absolute control of your body and your pleasure."

"Is that all?" Kirk asked. He was incredulous.

"It's a lot of fun letting go."

"That's my line, or it's supposed to be," he said.

"Now, now don't be old fashioned," I said. "Where is your sense of

"Are all women like you? Or does the attitude come with command?" he asked.

"Attitude? I could ask the same about you, sir," I replied. "No, there are
women in my time that would quiver under your gaze and thrill to your touch."

"So, it's you with the problem," he said.

I'd gotten his ego in an uproar. Oh well, I thought.

"Apparently it is," I said. "I'll leave you now. The night is young. I'm sure
there's an impressionable yeoman you can thrill. Good night."

"Captain," he said curtly.

I was annoyed when I left him. How could he have had all those women? They
couldn't have all been dense -- or maybe he was packing more than I noticed.

I'm not sure how long I wandered the corridors or even where I was. Then, I
saw her.

* * *

I stopped talking. My voice failed me.

"Who did you see?" Chakotay asked.

"Barrows," I whispered.

She was chatting with another crewman. A short distance away from me. I
hadn't realized that she was still on the Enterprise or I would have looked
for her. Barrows was more beautiful in person than on the record banks. She
was vital and magnetic. Her hair was flowing past her shoulders. It was a
rich auburn that heightened the color of her creamy skin. The glint in her
eyes was very much there, but it was a smoldering volatile passion instead
of an all-knowing serenity.

My legs grew so weak that I had to lean against the wall. As I watched her,
I had a powerful orgasm -- several actually -- in wave after wave as I looked
at her hands and her mouth. My breath was driven from me. I feared losing
consciousness. I feared the wetness dripping from between my thighs would be

Barrows ended her conversation and turned toward me. We were alone in the
corridor then.

"You're new here." Barrows said. "And in quite a state, aren't you?"

I found a way to inhale. "Yes, Mistress..."

She raised a brow and gave me a little smile. "You'd better come with me,

I stifled a moan and followed two paces behind her concentrating on my feet
moving across the floor. I tried to watch her walk, but the sway of her hips
and the sexy bounce in her step made my knees weaker. Mercifully, her
quarters were close by. As the door closed behind me, I dropped to my knees
then bent over until my face rested on the floor.

So overwhelming were the emotions welling up in me that I began to sob
quietly. Barrows walked around me slowly. I felt the touch of a riding crop
against my cheek.

"Why are you crying, pet?"

"I...I've ruined my stockings..." I managed to say.

"And how did you do that?"

"C... coming, Mistress," I gasped. "I was coming without permission."

"Tisk, tisk. You apparently know what this means," she said. "Remove
everything except the tunic. Assume the same position on the bed."

"Yes, Mistress." I replied. My hands were shaking but I managed to comply.

She felt my ass. I tried to be still... tried not to moan. It was impossible.

"Responsive," she said to herself. "What is your tolerance to pain, I

A split second later I felt the first blow with the riding crop. And I
thought her arm was good when she trained me! My skin was sizzling
immediately. I fought for control. I didn't want to let the walls down that
quickly. I didn't want to disappoint her. The blows were hot and painful. I
almost felt sorry for Paris. Almost. I also was never more turned on in my

"Please, Mistress... Please..."

"Please, what... Stop?"

"Let me... Let me come..."

That made her pause then lower her arm.

"Your tolerance is very high, dear one." She purred. She pulled my legs back
so I was lying flat on my stomach. "Come, then. Keep your eyes averted while
I put a little something on."

"Yes, Mistress." I didn't have to touch myself. I just thought about her cool
hand on my bare ass and I was a moaning, wiggly mess.

For moments afterward, I stayed there breathing deeply willing my heart rate
to slow down and stabilize.

"Turn on your back spread eagle," she said quietly.

"Yes, Mistress."

"You may look at me."

"Thank you, Mistress."

Barrows was still in her uniform, but she had removed her panties, stockings
and boots. Instead, she wore a strap on double dildo. In her hand, the
whipping hand was a clit whip. I was tied down to the four corners of the
bed. She petted my thighs appreciatively.

"Beautiful skin," she murmured.

"Thank you, Mistress."

"You are mine, aren't you?"

"I always have been," I replied.

"Now, I will learn about my prize," she whispered.

Barrows began with my inner thighs punishing me with smack after smack with
the clit whip. I was moaning softly at the fire raging across my flesh. The
pain was suddenly dwarfed by the flash of intense pleasure when she smacked
my clit. I moaned loudly nearly raising completely off the sheets.

Barrows smacked my sensitive nub several times. I was screaming and sobbing
with pleasure.

"Look at me," she said.

"Yes, Mistress."

She watched my eyes and my expressions as the waves of pleasure washed over
me. My Mistress was learning me carefully. This explained a lot to me about
how Barrows broke me so quickly at the Club.

"I've got to fuck you before my shift begins," Barrows said. She released my
legs. "Knees up to your ears, pet."

"Yes, Mistress."

She mounted me expertly filling both orifices. It was too much for me. She
looked so cool and professional from the waist up watching me impassively as
she pounded me mercilessly. This time the orgasms knocked me out.

Barrows grabbed me the hair afterward. Pulling my ear up to her lips. "You
like big dicks, don't you," she whispered then licked my ear. I moaned out

"Yes, Mistress," I moaned.

"So well trained. So perfectly differential," she said ripping my tunic open.
"You can wear one of mine when I decide to release you."

My wrists were released. The remains of the uniform were torn away.

"Stand here," she said pointing to a spot in the center of the room with a
clear view from the door. I complied.

"Raise your arms."

I did.

My wrists were secured in a device very similar to the one in my quarters.

"Watch me." She said. She removed the strap-on giving me a glimpse of her

"I have to work now."

She put on her stockings then the panties. I was mesmerized at the thought of
tasting her.

"When I get back, I'll explore that elegantly muscled back and those
delightful nipples," Barrows said standing close to me. She gagged me, picked
up her message pad then bounded out of the room.

Amazingly, I rested when the door closed. It had been ages since I slept that
way. But that was only for an instant. Barrows returned moments later.

"I almost forgot," she said. Rushing to a cabinet in her room. She returned
with a cat o' nine tales. The handle of the instrument was placed between my

"Squeeze tight and hold on, little pony. I'll be back in four hours," she

I had to hold on. It wasn't the beating that I was afraid of, it was
disappointing her. This was an opportunity of a lifetime and I couldn't
screw it up. My ass had a cramp in it when she breezed in for lunch, but
it was there.

"That's my pony," she purred. My reward was ten lashes with the cat o' nine

"Thank you, Mistress." I said through the gag.

Barrows ate her meal while I tried to catch my breath. She gave me water and
part of her sandwich.

"The Mistress is kind."

"I know," she replied. "Rest now."

I slept deeply and soundly, but was awake and alert when the door snapped

Barrows stood there with me exposed to anyone who might pass by while she
appraised me.

Finally, Barrows walked inside.

"You are extraordinary, Darling," she said.

"I won't have time to work you over as I'd like. McCoy has asked me out, and
you've put me in the mood for a good fuck," she said. "That man really knows
how to screw with slow, deep and powerful strokes. Of course, he has the
hands of a surgeon, and he can really eat pussy."

I felt keenly disappointed to have missed that, but I had enjoyed his
gentlemanly treatment.

Barrows caressed my back feeling the contours of the muscles. "Very nice...
very nice. Let's play then."

It was the cat o'nine tails in earnest this time. Barrows was gauging my
endurance and the limits of my tolerance of pain. She was brutal and
calculating. I was brought to tears, but it took all she had to do it.

"You are a proud, strong willed one," Barrows said gently. She wiped my tears
away. "Fighting me was reflex wasn't it? Yet you want to please me so badly.
I can feel it. Yet you fought. Tantalizing. Our training will be incredible."

Before she left me again, I was permitted a shower and more food. She tied me
to the bed, gagged and blindfolded me. I slept again. The intensity of our
encounters was really draining me. I was exhausted.

* * *

"What about the command crew," Chakotay asked. "Weren't they looking for

"I had been assigned quarters and given orders to rest," I replied. "Spock
was busy with his puzzle. Kirk was in a snit and the Doctor was preoccupied
with Barrows."

"Go on."

"Again, I awoke when the door opened the blindfold and gag were removed.

"My dear, Kathryn," she said with a bright smile. "Why you didn't tell me?"

"I answer what I am asked, Mistress," I replied.

"You are from the future and know me for what I am," she said with delight.
"I have achieved some level of infamy. This pleases me. You please me

She lowered her head to suck my lower lip then she kissed me. I moaned in
her mouth. Then, my body was licked and lapped all over. Barrows tortured
my nipples sucking and nipping them while finger fucking me. Watching her
pleasure me was more than I could stand. I started coming again.

"Are you a slave in your time?" She demanded.

"No, Mistress," I moaned.

"How many have you called Mistress or Master?"

"Only one," I sighed as the waves of pleasure subsided. I looked into her

"Tell me."

"You only wanted me to call one person Mistress," I said. "You made me a
Mistress so I would serve no one else."

"And you never will," she said. "You are mine."

Her mouth went to my pussy while one hand played with my tits. The seduction
was complete as she tested the limits of pleasure I could endure. I came
until I thought I was wrung dry.

We were in bed when Spock put out a message over the ship's intercom looking
for me. Barrows sprung into action. She pulled me over to the intercom and
got me to speak to Spock. I was to meet him in the main transporter room
ASAP. Barrows healed my welts and made me presentable. I was having trouble.
It was very difficult to switch gears. Barrows noticed that as we were about
to leave.

"I'll go with you. We'll think of some excuse," she said.

I nodded mutely. My heart was breaking. In moments, I was dressed with neat
hair and no visible bruises. I was still a slave awash in the remnants of
pleasures and pain. I followed Barrows two paces behind and still had trouble
looking at anything other than the floor just before I entered the
Transporter Room.

"Kathryn, you must come back to yourself," Barrows said. "It is the only way
you'll come back to me."

I nodded. We entered. Kirk, Spock and McCoy were present. They were startled
by Barrows being with me.

"Miss Janeway was confused when I ran into a few hours ago. I let her rest in
my cabin," she said. "She didn't want to worry you."

"Are you okay, Kathryn?" McCoy asked.

Barrows had to nudge me.

"I'm fine, Doctor. The stress of this ordeal has been exhausting," I replied.
"I couldn't find my way to my assigned quarters."

"That will be all Yeoman Barrows," Kirk said.

"If you don't mind, Captain," I said. "I'd like her to stay. She should see
the end, since she knows most of it."

Kirk raised a brow. "Awfully chatty, Kathryn."

"I babble when I'm tired," I said with a shrug. "I'm sure we can count on her

"Very well. Mr. Spock," Kirk said.

Spock took out his tricorder and ran it over my body. He concentrated on the

"I was wondering what was keeping you here when you should have been drawn
forward," Spock said. "Then I recalled where I saw this piece of jewelry."

"You recall it?"

"Captain Pike's first officer had one like it," Spock said. "I recall her
saying that she was told it was one of a kind. A 'love' charm allegedly." His
eyebrow arched.

"I have one," Barrows said. "I found it behind a drawer in my quarters."

"It is an alien alloy which is emitting odd, but harmless readings. They are
enough to interfere with the matrix," he said. "You may be able to return by
removing it."

As screwy as anomalies can be, I figured what the hell. I took off the choker
then handed it to Barrows.

"Let's try this again," I said stepping onto the transporter pad. "If I'm
gone at the end of this, I thank you all for your help and hospitality."

"We have enjoyed your visit as well, Kathryn," Kirk said. "Good luck with
your journey."

"And all of yours," I said. My last glance was at Barrows.

* * *

"There was another flash, and I was here."

"Kathryn..." was all he could say.

"You're turned on, aren't you?"

"Unbelievably," he groaned. "And I have a whole shift."

"Don't waste it."

"This is all yours, believe me," he replied.

"I have to talk to her, Chakotay."

"You are weak," he whispered. "I'll download your log into her program.
Please rest. You have a circle in an uproar awaiting you."

I couldn't fight any longer. I let go and drifted off to sleep. When I awoke,
it was a few hours later. There was no help for it, I had to deal with this
or there would be no real rest. It was 0200 when I reached the Holodeck. No
one was in the corridor when I entered. Barrows waited for me with an
incredible smile on her face.

"I had to wait so long to find out if Spock was successful," she said.
"Beyond my lifetime."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I whispered.

"My dear, you know how this works better than I," she replied. "I couldn't
risk anything that would change our meeting. I came out of retirement to
train you personally. You were my last personal postulant. Were it in my
power, I would have kept you with me forever. The best I could do was make
sure you were slave to no one else."

I was getting woozy.

"You should return to Sickbay," Barrows said.

"I don't think I can," I replied.

"Rest here then," she said. "I'll take care of everything."

Barrows conjured up a divan, and I collapsed onto it.

I felt so strange. My mind was alert and I could hear, but my body refused to
move. I heard Chakotay when he came in.

"Do you have any idea what kind of fancy footwork it took to keep the Doctor
from coming here?" he said. "Why did you call him and not me?"

"You aren't a doctor and I wanted to meet him," she replied.

"He was coming down here to turn you off and relieve her of duty," Chakotay
said. I felt him touch my forehead.

"That's not very friendly."

"He saw your handiwork on her back," Chakotay said angrily. "She's delirious
with fatigue and comes to the Holodeck. I'm not sure I disagree with him."

"She did what she was trained to do. Kathryn has not been harmed by this,"
Barrows said. "She need answers only I can provide."

"Kathryn has me to turn to. She knows that."

"She knows what that support means," Barrows said. "A slave's relationship
with her mistress is uncomplicated. It is only what she needs when she needs

I had to make them stop before it went too far, but I couldn't wake.

"Kathryn is not a slave," Chakotay spat out.

"Not a slave... my slave for over a century," Barrows purred.

"Emergency Medical Program to Chakotay," the Doctor said. "Have you found the

"Yes, I'm on my way."

I felt him pick me up. My head rested on his shoulder.

"We will talk again," he said.

"I look forward to it, beautiful."

Everything would be alright. I'd get a handle on both of them later. Maybe
I'm not as solitary as I thought. How could I be with all of this going on?


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